My Exclusive Interview With 2016 Republican Presidential Nominee Jeb Bush

I will not pander to the Republican base!

I will not pander to the Republican base!

With the 2016 election only a year away many contenders are crowding the field.  Today it is my honor to have the Republican Party’s presidential nominee for 2016, Jeb Bush sit down with me to answer my questions.

MI: Good afternoon Mr, Bush.

JB: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.  It is a pleasure to be here to answer your questions.

MI: Let’s start out with the obvious:  Why are you running for President?

JB: Because America deserves a man of my social station to lead them.

MI: Um, what?

JB: Precisely.  Far too often America chooses leaders of a low social station.  This is wrong.  This is a republic and a republic can only survive if its elite upper class families lead the serfs.

MI: Are you sure you want to be quoted as saying this?

JB: Why not?  I am not afraid. I will not pander to the Republican base. I will only pander to the Democratic base.

MI: Okay.  Why is that?

JB: The Republican base is very low class while the Democratic base is of a higher social station. This means they are better people.

MI: But the Republican base are the ones whose vote you will be needing in the primaries.  Do you think it’s a good – 

JB: I won’t be running in the primaries.  They are a waste of time.  I have already arranged to be nominated by acclamation next year.  This is how our system works.

MI: Yea, maybe in 1840.  Now let’s talk about your opponent in the 2016 election, Hillary Clinton.

JB: I’ve known Hillary for a long time. I have the utmost respect for her.  We share many of the same values.

MI:  Such as?

JB: Big government, deficit spending, foreign wars, open borders and sex with women.

MI: Okay so since the two of you share the same political philosophy why should I vote for you?

JB: I am from a higher social station than Hillary. Haven’t you been paying attention to anything I’ve said?

MI: Yes I have.  I guess I just wanted to believe that maybe you were having a stroke.  So let’s say you are elected.  What’s your first order of business?

JB: Rounding up all the Irish and rendering them infertile.

MI: For Christ’s sake man, why?

JB: The Irish come from lower social stations.  They breed too easily. Soon they will be everywhere.  A man of my superior breeding cannot allow that.

MI: You’re insane. I am out of here.

JB: Wait. Don’t you want to know what I’ll do second?

MI: No. Bye.

JB: I’m going to genetically breed a superior human and send them out into space to colonize the galaxy.

MI: You are batshit crazy.

JB: Yes, but batshit crazy from refined, superior breeding.  And the third thing I’m going to do as President is drain the Irish of all their blood and ship it to Mars where it will crash onto the surface, never to bother us again.

MI: Goodbye.

JB: Wait, don’t you want to know who my Vice President will be?

MI: Okay, who?

JB: My brother George.

MI: I’m out of here.  

I urge all my readers to vote in 2016.  Jeb Bush must be defeated.  I don’t want my blood on Mars!



4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    The Jebster is obviousely not a fan of alcoholics-oops, I meant the Kennedys.

  2. Petermc3 says:

    They would make great Martians.

  3. innominatus says:

    Does Jeb also pronounce it “nookyalurr” ‘cuz that’s the real sign of quality breeding.

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