How the Grinch Stole Kwanzaa (Part II)


It came without redistribution or socialist principles!

It came without redistribution or socialist principles!

Then the Grinch said, “Giddap!”

And the sleigh started down

Towards the homes where the Whos

Lay a-snooze in their town (Even the drug dealers).

All the Whos were dreaming sweet dreams without care

When he came to the first house on the square.

“This will be the test case” the old Grinchy Claus hissed

As he forced a home invasion, bureaucrats in tow.

He noticed the little Who stockings all hung in a row

“These stockings” he grinned “must violate some EPA ordinance.”

Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant,

That the bureaucrats got  jealous.

“That’s what we do” they said.

The Grinch took every present

and replaced it with government checks.

“The Who’s must learn to become reliant on the government” he said.

Then he slunk to the icebox.  He took the Who’s feast.

He took the Who-pudding!  He took the roast beast!

He cleaned out the icebox as quick as a flash.

“This food makes Who’s fat.  I’ll have the bureaucrats give them gluten-free diet food instead.”

“And NOW!’ grinned the Grinch, “I will take their tree!’

You see the Grinch was an environmentalist and he hated the Who’s for raping Mother Earth and killing trees.

The Grinch grabbed the tree when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a 300 pound Who!

Latisha-Lou Who, a single mother of six who was no more than 22.

She stared at the Grinch and said “Yo whitey, why you taking our motherfucking tree?”

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.

“Why my sweet helpless victim” said the Grinch

“This tree is a symbol of the white man’s patriarchy

“So I’m going to destroy it and leave you these bureaucrats to give you government handouts.”

And the fib fooled Latisha-Lou who couldn’t read.

The last thing he took was the log for their fire.

“Fire from chimneys pollute the environment” he and the bureaucrats said.

Then he did the same thing to the other Who’s houses

Leaving government bureaucrats to monitor their every expression.

It was a quarter past dawn…..

All the Whos still a-bed

All the Whos stil a-snooze

When he packed up his electric car that didn’t damage the environment.

Packed it up with their presents!  The ribbons!  The wrappings!

The tags!  And the tinsel (which the Whos shouldn’t have been using since tinsel has been banned by the EPA for causing cancer).

Three thousand feet up!  Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,

He drove with his load to the tiptop to dump it!

“Pooh-Pooh to the Whos!’ he was Grinch-ish-ly humming.

“They’re finding out now that no Kwanzaa is coming!

“Their mouths will hang open for a minute or two.

“Then all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry ‘Help us Washington DC!’ “

And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

But the sound wasn’t sad!

Why this sound sounded more like gunfire!

He stared down at Who-ville

The Grinch popped his eyes.

They he shook!

What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small

Was asking the bureaucrats where there government handouts were.

Many were asking where their fathers were.

Many were shot in crossfire.

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling:  “How could it be so?”

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!

“Maybe Kwanzaa,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.

“Maybe Kwanzaa perhaps comes from the Federal government!”

And what happened then?

Well in Who-ville they say

That the Federal government grew three sizes that day!

Merry Kwanzaa to all and to all a good night!


2 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Kwanza was da name O de African airline from wat da White bruddas be stolen deyz idea of airplanes flying from. We be taut dat in da mosque where dey be giving out Air Jordan sandals for da believers.

  2. Why is it that the government always has to use force when they come to “help” us? Ahhhh! They came to “help” us volunteer to redistribute our hard earned wealth. They always get more volunteers when threatening to put you in a FEMA camp if you don’t volunteer.

    Very clever, those bureaucrats.

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