Let me nourish you

Over the years at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have had the chance to interview many important figures.  Today I have the pleasure of talking with Chuck Todd, moderator of Meet the Press.

MI: Good afternoon, Mr. Todd.

CT: Nice to be here, Manhattan Infidel.

MI: As moderator of Meet the Press do you feel you have a responsibility to –

CT: Protect the Democratic party?  Definitely.

MI:  I was going to say provide your viewers with information about current events.

CT: Yes.  Protect the Democratic party.

MI: Okay we’ll move on.  Recently you were quoted as saying that you have a very good relationship with President Obama and that he “nourishes” you.  Is this accurate?

CT:  Yes. Yes, absolutely.  I often find myself going to the White House late at night just to be in his presence.  He’s easy to talk to.  They’re very nourishing conversations.  I always feel exhausted after speaking with him.

MI: I see.

CT: When he’s talking he fills me with a warm, nourishing feeling. Sometimes my nipples even begin to produce milk.

MI: Okay. Um.

CT: When I’m with him I just want to cradle his head in my lap and comfort him.

MI: That’s sick.

CT: I call it the “Obama Effect.”  He nourishes me.  He’s taught me all about nourishment. So much so that I want to give back.  I want to be the nourisher.

MI:  I –

CT: I’m going to start with you Manhattan Infidel.

[Todd takes his shirt off]

CT: Place your mouth upon my nipples.

MI: Hell no.

CT:  Please.  I’m producing milk.  Suck on my nipples.  Drink my milk.

MI: You’re one sick man.

CT: Then let me feed you.

[Todd begins to eat a few slices of bread]

MI: What are you doing?

CT: Once I get these slices wet enough I’m going to regurgitate them into your mouth.  I want to feed you Manhattan Infidel, like a mother hen feeds her children.

MI: Get away from me you freak.

[Todd stand up over Manhattan Infidel and opens him mouth, attempting to let the wet, saliva-filled bread fall into Manhattan Infidel’s mouth]

CT:  Take a mother’s food.

MI: Oh god that’s wet and disgusting.  It’s like watching Rosie O’Donnell shower.

CT:  [Singing] Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me/they long to be close to you.

MI: I’m out of here.  Goodbye.

CT: If you have any friends that need nourishment tell them about me.  

MI:  Jackhole!

CT: Maybe there are some strangers on the street I can nourish?

[Manhattan Infidel leaves]

Readers if you see Chuck Todd on the street, or anywhere for that matter, run like hell.

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