My Exclusive Interview With Chuck Todd

Let me nourish you

Let me nourish you

Over the years at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have had the chance to interview many important figures.  Today I have the pleasure of talking with Chuck Todd, moderator of Meet the Press.

MI: Good afternoon, Mr. Todd.

CT: Nice to be here, Manhattan Infidel.

MI: As moderator of Meet the Press do you feel you have a responsibility to –

CT: Protect the Democratic party?  Definitely.

MI:  I was going to say provide your viewers with information about current events.

CT: Yes.  Protect the Democratic party.

MI: Okay we’ll move on.  Recently you were quoted as saying that you have a very good relationship with President Obama and that he “nourishes” you.  Is this accurate?

CT:  Yes. Yes, absolutely.  I often find myself going to the White House late at night just to be in his presence.  He’s easy to talk to.  They’re very nourishing conversations.  I always feel exhausted after speaking with him.

MI: I see.

CT: When he’s talking he fills me with a warm, nourishing feeling. Sometimes my nipples even begin to produce milk.

MI: Okay. Um.

CT: When I’m with him I just want to cradle his head in my lap and comfort him.

MI: That’s sick.

CT: I call it the “Obama Effect.”  He nourishes me.  He’s taught me all about nourishment. So much so that I want to give back.  I want to be the nourisher.

MI:  I –

CT: I’m going to start with you Manhattan Infidel.

[Todd takes his shirt off]

CT: Place your mouth upon my nipples.

MI: Hell no.

CT:  Please.  I’m producing milk.  Suck on my nipples.  Drink my milk.

MI: You’re one sick man.

CT: Then let me feed you.

[Todd begins to eat a few slices of bread]

MI: What are you doing?

CT: Once I get these slices wet enough I’m going to regurgitate them into your mouth.  I want to feed you Manhattan Infidel, like a mother hen feeds her children.

MI: Get away from me you freak.

[Todd stand up over Manhattan Infidel and opens him mouth, attempting to let the wet, saliva-filled bread fall into Manhattan Infidel’s mouth]

CT:  Take a mother’s food.

MI: Oh god that’s wet and disgusting.  It’s like watching Rosie O’Donnell shower.

CT:  [Singing] Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me/they long to be close to you.

MI: I’m out of here.  Goodbye.

CT: If you have any friends that need nourishment tell them about me.  

MI:  Jackhole!

CT: Maybe there are some strangers on the street I can nourish?

[Manhattan Infidel leaves]

Readers if you see Chuck Todd on the street, or anywhere for that matter, run like hell.



7 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    A man makes an honest attempt to share nourishment and you shun him like an alien popping out of Sigorny Weaver’s perfectly formed belly with those perfectly formed abdominal muscles tracing downward to her womanhood- I’ve gotten off topic. But we do know that Chuck is no more than a Chris Matthews wannabe sin the tartar sauce running down his leg.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Never mention Chris Matthews and Sigourney Weaver in the same sentence. It ruins the mood. Ah, those perfectly formed abdominal muscles.

  2. Petermc3 says:

    I’m truly sorry IDM. I forgot that today Chris Matthews looks better than Sigor….oops.

  3. When Obama is out of office, I wonder if he’ll really dump Moooch and run off with Todd?

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Obama out of office? Take it back! His eminence the Obama will never leave office. We need his intelligence to guide us.

  4. Bob Agard says:

    M.I., you are rapidly becoming the best satirical blog in the nation. Linked here:

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