Hey, I like this look but if my public wants me to change it then I guess I will

Responding to complaints from parents, popular superhero Superman has announced that he will wear his underwear beneath his tights from now on.

“Look I personally like this look” said the caped hero.

I’ve been wearing it like this since college. It was something of a fad then.  Batman and I decided to wear our underwear outside our tights.  We called ourselves “The Outsiders.”  We liked the name and it stuck.  We used to do a lot of stuff together in college.  Some of it I don’t want to talk about.  But I understand if parents are complaining. It’s a new generation.

Sources say that dissatisfaction with Superman’s look came to a head when he stopped to save some children that were drowning after their school bus ended up in a lake. After pulling the bus out of the lake and ensuring that the children were safe Superman stayed long enough for the parents to pick up their kids. Many children complained to their parents that they had seen the Superhero’s underwear and that they were afraid that he might be a sexual predator.

The parents really let me have it.  They told me never to touch their children. They also called me a dirty old man.  I don’t know.  Call me old fashioned but some gratitude might have been nice.  I mean I just saved their freaking brats from drowning. You know I’d hang up my tights and forget about this superhero thing but the only other job skill I have is computers.  God knows I don’t want to do that.

Chastened by the parents reaction Superman flew back to his Fortress of Solitude (actually a studio on Manhattan’s Upper East side) and made some calls.

I saved a fashion designer from choking on his boyfriend once so he owed me a favor.  I said I needed a new look.  So he says the first thing I’d have to do is start wearing my underwear inside. I was reluctant to that that because just between us I liked the feel of the tights on my testicles.  It was kind of a turn on. But I get it. Times change.  So I’ll wear the underwear inside. Then he told me to stop putting BrylCreem in my hair and to grow a beard. Maybe wear jeans and my shirt untucked. I told him I’d agree to wear my underwear inside but I ain’t no damn hipster.

Relieved that his makeover wasn’t too drastic Superman began showing up at crime scenes in his new look.

The reviews have been pretty good. People are saying things like “about time” and “welcome to the 21st century.”  I’m eager to put the old look behind me.  And frankly now that my underwear is inside I won’t have to deal with the wise ass comments.

Superman’s only worry now is how he’ll break the news to Batman who is still wearing his underwear on the outside.

I’ll just tell him that we aren’t in college anymore. He’ll understand.  At least I think he will.  I don’t talk to him much nowadays. Frankly he’s turned into a Debby Downer. He’s always so dark and portentous. Come on will ya? Lighten up!

If his new look is accepted by everyone Superman is planning on more changes.

“Maybe I’ll finally marry that Lois Lane girl.  Boy, won’t that make Batman jealous!”

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