The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part XXI)

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

After this, Barack showed himself again to his disciples in the MSM at Martha’s Vineyard. And he shewed himself after this manner.

There were together Joe Biden, and Bob Schieffer and two others of his disciples.

Joe Biden saith to them:  I go a fishing, as soon as I put on my protective helmet so I don’t injure myself.

They say to him:  This is a recipe for trouble.  Put on your water wings!  

And they went forth, and entered into the ship: and they caught nothing, except for Joe Biden who caught a cold.

But when the morning was come, Barack stood on the shore, for the sea levels were receding: yet his disciples knew not that it was Barack.

Barack therefore said to them:  Dependents of the Federal government, have you any meat? They answered him:  No!  We are all vegans.

He saith to them:  Come on.  Not even some hot dogs? But don’t tell Michelle I eat meat.

The disciple therefore whom Barack loved, said to Joe Biden:  It is the Constitutional Scholar.  

Biden, when he heard that it was the Constitutional Scholar, girt his underwear about him, (for he was naked) and cast himself into the sea.  Fortunately his water wings kept him afloat.

But the other disciples came in the ship.

As soon as they came to land, they saw a barbecue pit.

Barack saith to them:  Don’t tell the EPA about this barbecue pit which as we all know will lead to more global warming.

Joe Biden went up, and ate a few hamburgers that were on the barbecue pit.

Barack saith to them:  Come and eat.  Did anyone bring hot sauce or chips?

And Barack cometh and taketh chips, and giveth them.

This is now the third time that Barack was manifested to his disciples in the MSM, after he was risen from the polls.

When therefore they had eaten all the ribs, Barack saith to Biden:  Joe, lovest thou me more than these?

He saith to him:  Yea, constitutional scholar, thou knowest it is a big f*cking deal.

He saith to him:  Don’t tell Michelle I like barbecue food.

He saith to him again:  Joe, lovest thou me?

He saith to him:  Yea, Constitutional Scholar, thou knowest I love thee.

He saith to him:  Don’t tell Michelle I have barbecue sauce all over my hands.

He said to him a third time:  Joe, lovest thou me?

Joe was grieved, because he had said to him the third time:  Lovest thou me?

And he said to him:  Constitutional Scholar, thou knowest all things:  thou knowest that I love thee.  But I’ll have to divorce my wife first before we marry.

He said to him:  Don’t tell Michelle that I entered myself in the July 4th hot dog eating contest at Coney Island.

Amen, amen I say to thee, when thou wast younger, thou didst have natural hair.

But when thou shalt be old, thou shalt have hair plugs.

And this he said, while wolfing down ribs.

Joe Biden, turning about, saw the disciple whom Barack loved following, who also leaned on his breast at supper, and said:  Constitutional Scholar, who is he that shall betray thee?

Barack saith to him:  So I will have him to remain until I come, what is it to thee?

This is the disciple who giveth testimony of these things, and hath written these things and we know that his testimony is true, for he is on television.

But there are also many other things which Barack did; which, if Bill Ayers were to write every one, the world itself, I think, would not be able to contain the books that should be written.

The End


One Response

  1. innominatus says:

    >>>But I’ll have to divorce my wife first before we marry.


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