Feel the burn!

Like all bloggers I have an extensive workout regimen.  Up at the crack of dawn for a ten-mile jog.  Then a 20-mile bike run.  Then I head to the gym for some weight-lifting.

Okay, so all that was a lie.  It’s from my eHarmony profile.  It impresses women.

Recently our Commander-in-Chief was photographed in Poland working out in the hotel gym. Not since John Kennedy had six naked women in the White House pool has a president extended his body like this.  As a member of the MSM I vowed not to rest until I could get a copy of President Obama’s workout regimen for my readers.  Well, after spending the weekend burning the phone lines I now give you, my loyal readers, a copy of Obama’s workout.

1.  Push ups

The Obama workout routine starts with the President doing push ups.

“We have the President do five push ups” said his personal trainer.

Why only five I asked?

Well we tried to get the President to do ten push ups.  He tried it but collapsed after the eighth.  He told me that it made his arms hurt.  “I need my arms to sign executive orders bypassing the white man’s constitution” he told me.  I then said maybe he could do two sets of five.  He told me that five push ups was the maximum anyone should do.  “The science is settled” he said.

2.  Weight lifting

After doing five push ups President Obama goes straight for the weights.

“He does curls with ten pound weights” according to his trainer.

He does this for about three minutes, or until he breaks into a sweat, whichever comes first.  It’s really quite amazing watching the leader of the free world do this. He likes to shout.  Usually he says something like, “I am the leader of the free world. Putin can’t touch this” or “This is what a real man looks like!”  That is until he runs out of breath.  Then he sits down and we give him oxygen.  Or some times he lies down.  “I’m just redistributing the flow of oxygen to my head” he says.

3.  Oxygen breathing

President Obama usually ends his extensive workout by hooking himself up to an oxygen tank while doctors restart his heart.

We had a few close calls.  Once his heart stopped and we didn’t even know he was dead.  It wasn’t until the dog started to eat his foot that we knew something was wrong.

After that close call it was decided that President Obama should always wear a heart monitor.

We now have three doctors standing by monitoring the readouts.  None of us want the President to die. So we attach the monitor to his chest before he starts his workout.  It’s necessary I just wish the President wouldn’t start giggling like a girl every time we attach it.

And there you have it readers.  May we all test our bodies like our President.  Feel the burn!

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