The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part XX)

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And on the first day of the week, Nancy Pelosi cometh early, when it was dark, unto the banks of the Potomac River, and she was not able to find Barack’s ashes. 

She ran, therefore, and cometh to Joe Biden, and to the other disciple whom Barack loved, and saith to them:  They have taken away Barack’s ashes.  Clearly this is global warming.

Joe Biden therefore went out, and that other disciple, and they came to the Potomac River.  And they both ran together, and that other disciple did outrun Biden, for Biden was out of shape, and came first to the Potomac.

And when he stooped down, he saw a sign that said: Access to Barack’s ashes will be closed due to the government shutdown.

Then cometh Joe Biden, following him, and he slipped and fell into the Potomac.

Then that other disciple also went in, who first came to the river, and he saw the sign, and believed.  For as yet they knew not the DNC’s talking points that he must rise from the dead.

The disciples in the MSM therefore departed again to their luxury homes in lily-white neighborhoods. 

But Nancy Pelosi stood at the banks without, weeping.   Now as she was weeping, she stooped down for her surgically altered face began to droop.  And she saw two park employees in their green park employee uniforms.

They say to her:  Hey droopy face, why weepest thou?  She saith to them:  Because they have taken away my Lord’s ashes, and because of global warming I know not where they have laid them.

When she had thus said, she turned her head around, like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, and saw Barack standing.

Barack saith to her:  Hey droopy face, why weepest thou? Whom seekest thou? She, thinking it was the gardener, saith to him:  Federal employee and probable Democratic voter, tell me where thou has redistributed his ashes.

Barack saith to her:  Nancy. She, turning her head again and freaking everyone out, saith to him:  Democrat (which is to say, Constitutional Scholar).

Barack saith to her:  Do not touch me.  Seriously.  I mean it.  Do not touch me.  Your droopy face is a turn off.  I have not yet ascended to my father, whom I met only once or twice.  

But go to the brethren in the MSM and say to them: I ascend to my father whom I met only once or twice.

Nancy Pelosi cometh, and telleth the disciples in the MSM:  I have seen the Constitutional Scholar.

Now when it was late the same day, the first of the week, and the doors were shut, where the disciples were gathered together, for fear of Nancy Pelosi’s hideously surgically altered drooping face, Barack came and stood in the midst, and said to them:  Redistribution be to you.  

And when he had said this he showed them his hands and said: See how clean cut and articulate I am?  The disciples were glad, when they saw the Constitutional Scholar.

He said therefore to them again:  Redistribution be to you.  As the father whom I met only once or twice hath redistributed me, I also redistribute you.

When he had said this, he breathed on them; and he said to them:  Receive ye the Holy Ghost of Redistribution.  And the chili dog I had for lunch.

Whose income you shall redistribute, they are redistributed, and whose income you shall retain, they are retained.

Now Bill Maher, one of the disciples in the MSM, was not with them when Barack came for he was having sex with trannies.  The other disciples therefore said to him:  We have seen the Constitutional Scholar.  But he said to them:  Except I shall see in his hands how clean cut and articulate he is, I will not believe.

And after eight days again his disciples were within for fear of Nancy Pelosi’s face, and Bill Maher with them.  Barack cometh, the doors being shut, and stood in their midst, and said, Redistribution be to you.  Then he saith to Maher:  See my clean cut hands and face; and be not faithless, but believing.

Bill Maher answered, and said to him:  My Constitutional Scholar and fellow Democrat.

Barack saith to him: Because thou hast seen me, Maher, thou has believed:  blessed are they that have not been with trannies, and have believed.

Many other things did Barack redistribute in the sight of his disciples, which Bill Ayers has not written in this book.  

But these are written, that you may believe that Barack is the Lord of Redistribution: and that believing, you may have redistribution in his name and have positions of power in the Federal government.

(To be continued).


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