Your 2014 Yankees: Bring the Suck On!

“What is both surprising and delightful is that spectators are allowed, and even expected, to join in the vocal part of the game…. There is no reason why the field should not try to put the batsman off his stroke at the critical moment by neatly timed disparagements of his wife’s fidelity and his mother’s respectability.” ~George Bernard Shaw

You can see the suck for miles

You can see the suck for miles

And so on a Friday night in The Bronx (where Bugs Bunny got his accent) the Yankees came home from their road trip to play the Minnesota Twins.

The Yankees started Vidal Nuno (1-2 5.48) and the Twins Ricky “Lucy I’m home!’ Nolasco (3-5 5.70).

The entire day had been beautiful and sunny.  That of course could only mean one thing:  It would start pouring once the game started.  Which it did.  So Manhattan Infidel had the privilege of seeing the suck in the rain.

The Twins scored in the top of the second when Oswaldo Arcia (legend has it that one of Arcia’s ancestors lost the “G” in his last name while crossing the Rio Grande) homered in the second.   1-0 Twins after  1 1/2.

In the bottom of the third the Yankees (see the suck!) tied the score.   Backup catcher John Ryan Murphy led off with a single.  Brett Gardner hit a grounder that forced out Murphy. Because of Gardner’s speed he was able to avoid the double play.  He went to third when Derek Jeter grounded out.  Gardner then scored when Jacoby Ellsbury doubled.  1-1 after three.

In the top of the fourth the Twins scored three times.  Josh Willingham hit an 0-2 pitch into monument park in Center Field.  After Owaldo (G)arcia singled to center field, Trevor Plouffe  (what a ploof!) homered.  4-1 Twins after 3 1/2.

In the top of the 8th Joe Mauer led off with a single.  After Willingham and (G)arcia struck out Plouffe walked.  Kurt Suzuki then singled to right fielder Ichiro Suzuki, scoring Mauer.  Former Yankee future shortstop Eduardo Nunez singled to left field scoring Plouffe.  6-1 Twins after 7 1/2.  And that was the final score.

Notes on the game:

As previously mentioned today marked the return of the Yankees’ former future shortstop Eduardo Nunez.  To commemorate the event the first 5,000 in attendance were given an error by the official scorer.

Friday’s game also featured the return of the Yankees former starter Phil  Hughes.  Phil will be pitching on Sunday.  Though while sitting in the Twins dugout Friday night he did give up 12 home runs.

Brett Gardner stole two bases.  Or, in the parlance of Obama’s America, he redistributed them.

Mark Teixeira walked three times:  #White Privilege.

Celebrity sightings:

Well, I, the Manhattan Infidel,  was at the game.  Does that count?

The Manhattan Infidel heckle of the game:

My heckle of  “This is Tokyo. Once a city of six million people. What has happened here was caused by a force which up until a few days ago was entirely beyond the scope of Man’s imagination. Tokyo, a smoldering memorial to the unknown, an unknown which at this very moment still prevails and could at any time lash out with its terrible destruction anywhere else in the world!’  didn’t fire up the crowd.  Personally I think this was Raymond Burr’s greatest role.  (Godzilla alert.)

Reader mail:

(Oh who am I kidding.  Manhattan Infidel never gets mail.  So as usual I’ll just make it up.)

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “My mohawk makes me fall at a 60 degree angle.”

That would break all the laws of physics.  Then again, so does your mohawk.

A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “tommy gun/you ain’t happy less you got one/tommy gun/ain’t gonna shoot the place up/just for fun”

Son, don’t make me call Governor Cuomo.   There is no place for people like you in the socialist workers’ paradise of New York State.

The infamous reprobate known as M.B. of Brooklyn writes, “I have lost my faith in the deity known as Cotton Eye Joe.”

Well that’s understandable.

The infamous reprobate known as M.B. of Brooklyn also writes, “I never said that!’

Yes you did.

The infamous reprobate known as M.B. of Brooklyn writes yet again, “Look, don’t start with this shit.  I told you last year not to put words into my mouth. Do it again and I will have my husband beat you up.”

He’ll have to find me first.  Much like Vincent from Beauty and the Beast (the 1980s version) I come from a secret place, far below the city streets, hiding my face from strangers, safe from hate and harm.

That is until Monday when I go back to work.

Recommended reading material:

Common Sense by Thomas Paine.

My record this year (embrace the suck!) stands at 0-4.

My next game is Wednesday June 4th against the Oakland Athletics.

Go Yankees!


1 Comment

One Response

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Is it not racist to call Domnican ball players Yankees? Why not call them gringos too, huh?

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