Post Five: Feds Still Shut Down. Surrender Is In The Air

Can a surrender bring back the government?

Can a surrender bring back the government?

Two weeks into the apocalypse and things are changing quickly.  No running water (the Feds own the water).  No hamburgers (the Feds own the cows). No electricity (the Feds own the electric grid).  The Feds own everything (for our benefit).

With the federal government shut down the remnants of humanity with me behind the barricades have devolved.  Without cable hope is gone.

But just as I thought the world has gone to hell forever from the other side of the barricades come refugees.  They are excited and claim to have a solution that will bring the god of government back into our lives.

They call themselves “Republicans.

“Surrender is how to do it” is their battle cry.

It’s simple.  All we have to do is give the half-chocolate god everything he wants and the government will resume.  We have to stop resisting.  The half-chocolate man wants to increase the power of the federal government.  So do we.  The half-chocolate man wants us all to love the federal government with our whole heart, soul and mind.  So do we.  The president wants the federal government to control every aspect of our lives.  So do we.  The President wants all of us to buy health insurance or get fined.  So do we.  Don’t you see?  This shutdown makes no sense.  Only those who don’t trust the federal government want to shut it down.  There is no difference between the Democrats and us.  Surrender!  Peace and dignity through surrender!

I’m not sure I trust these so-called “Republicans.”  One of them, who calls himself their leader

Anything less than total aerial bombardment is unacceptable!

We must surrender!  All salvation comes through the Federal goverment

told me that if I did not surrender it was because I was racist.

He says he’s a Senator or something.  But I think he’s actually a zombie.  So I shot him through the head.

But I cannot stop the Republicans.  They keep coming through the barricades and telling me to surrender.

The others believe them.  They try to stop me when I shoot the Republicans in the head.

Perhaps they are right.  Perhaps we should surrender and give the half-chocolate god all he wants.  If we do, food, water and electricity will return.

Is surrender too small a price to pay?

I will do my duty to the feds and surrender.

Shame really.  If I surrender I will no longer have a reason to shoot the government-lovers who call themselves Republicans in the head.

This is Manhattan Infidel, preparing to surrender.


5 Responses

  1. We can always count on the establishment Republicrats to have a white flag handy and ready to use.

  2. petermc3 says:

    When asked by Wolfe Blitzer why surrender is the only sane option John McCadaver simply answered with a question, How do you spell “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” backwards?
    But unbeknownst to McCadaver, the erstwhile Blitzer, already aware of McCadaver’s penchant for asking his trademark question, spelled without hesitation, docious-ali-expi-istic-fragil-cali-repus. McCadaver flipped Blitzer the bird with his good hand. Now knowing the press was on to him McCadaver left to begin his search for a new trick question before returning to the senate floor to slap the shit out of Ted Cruz, this time with his bad hand.

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