No plastic surgery no shirtee!

Popular CBS news personality Julie Chen has revealed that early in her career she was the victim of blatant racism.

“I was working in Dayton Ohio” said Chen.

While Dayton is not New York at least I wasn’t working down south.  Anyway my boss at the station said that my Asian heritage was holding me back. He said “Julie, you’re going to have to have surgery to increase the size of your Asian boobs, er, I mean your Asian eyes. When you are interviewing someone with your small Asian boobs our audience gets disinterested.  I mean, your small Asian eyes make you look disinterested.”  That hit me pretty hard.  I was so upset that I almost gave him his shirt back without his ticket.

This was the start of a downward spiral for the young Chen.

I got very self-conscious about my small Asian breasts, I mean my small Asian eyes.  I decided to have plastic surgery to increase the size of my boobs, dammit I mean my eyes.  I really had no choice. At the time I felt I had to do it to further my career.  Though looking back on it I should have stood my ground and just given my boss a blow job instead.

Fortunately for Ms. Chen after having plastic surgery her career took off and now she is the host of Big Brother and married to Lester Moonves, President and Chief Executive Officer of CBS.

If I hadn’t had that plastic surgery, if I still had my small Asian boobs, I mean eyes, who knows.  When Lester had his midlife crisis he might not have dumped his wife of 25 years to have sex with me, a young Asian hottie with Anglo eyes.  You see, it all works out.  Oh sure I’m married to a man old enough to be my father and when we go out together people mistake me for his daughter, probably because they don’t know I’m Asian, what with my large Anglo boobs, I mean eyes, and my sleep is disrupted because he has to get up six times a night to go to the bathroom, but it’s all worth it.

Indeed Ms. Chen now feels empowered.

Do you know how much the President of CBS makes?  I don’t either since he won’t discuss money with a woman but I bet it’s at least $200,000 per year.  We live a nice lifestyle.  We have access to the in crowd.  In a way I’m representing Asians everywhere.  Asians with large Anglo boobs, I mean eyes, that is.

Chen stands by her decision to have surgery and only has one regret:

“I just wish Lester wouldn’t make me spend my Saturday nights working in the laundromat.”

(8815)