Tragic Mass Shooting at Washington Navy Yard; Details are Sketchy and Shooter’s Motives Unclear But I’m Pretty Sure He Was a Teabagger

Police search for the anti-tax, anti-government tea bagger

Police search for the anti-tax, anti-government tea bagger

On Monday afternoon a civilian contractor at the Washington Navy Yard opened fire, killing 12 people.

When news first broke of this tragic shooting I worked the phones, calling up all my connections in the mainstream media  to get the facts.  And that was crucial.  I only want to present the facts.  Speculation will help no one.

But then I remembered I was a member of the MSM.  So, without further adieu*  I now present the official Manhattan Infidel Speculation Into a Tragic Mass Shooting.™

The facts are these:

A shooter, identity unknown, walked into the Washington Navy Yard and  opened fire.

Why?  The answer is obvious:  He was a teabagger, filled with rage and hating government, who wanted to lower taxes because lowering taxes will help keep black people down.

Isn’t this typical of the so-called “teabagger” movement?

Teabaggers disgust me.  Republicans disgust me.  They are violent, anti-government extremists who cling to the so-called “Constitution.”  A Constitution that I remind people is over 100 years old so no one really knows what the people who wrote it were talking about.  I don’t even think the English language existed then.  It was probably written in Latin, which means that it’s a racist document.

I understand we are not getting pictures of the shooter.  I am downloading a picture of the racist, teabagging anti-government extremist now to present to my readers. And the download is done.

Presenting the face of teabagging, racist anti-government extremism:

This white anti-government extremist wears blackface to discredit an entire race!

This white anti-government extremist wears blackface to discredit an entire race!

Um.  Okay, so obviously the shooter was wearing blackface.  Why?  Because that’s what teabaggers do.  So warped are they by their hatred of government that lowering taxes is only the first step.  The next step is reintroduction of minstrel shows throughout the United States, probably hosted by a Fox News television personality.

Secondly, the shooting has been described, quite appropriately, as a “mass shooting.”

This means that the shooter was Catholic.  (Don’t question me.  I’m in the MSM.)

Why are shootings like this always done by Catholics?  Simply this:  Years of participating in the war on women has destroyed all sense of right and wrong in Catholics. I know this to be so.  One of my fellow reporters told me.

Forget about the previous photo I showed you.  I was mistaken.  The real shooter probably looks like this:

The REAL face of anti-government extremism.

The REAL face of anti-government extremism.

I remind my readers that as a member of the elite MSM I am better and smarter than you are.  To doubt that would make you a racist.

So to recap, a bitter, anti-government extremist with a deep hatred of black people and warped by his anti-woman Catholicism has murdered 12 people.

I ask all my fellow Americans to burn down the Catholic church of their choice.  Do it for the government.  Do it for the privilege of paying higher taxes.

But most importantly, do it for the children.

*Adieu (interj) Used to express farewell.

That sounds like teabagger talk if you ask me!


One Response

  1. There is only one thing for the American people to do. They must elect more Dummycrats to go to Washington and beat the crap out of any teabaggers they find.

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