My Exclusive Interview With John McCain

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Anything less than total aerial bombardment is unacceptable!

Anything less than total aerial bombardment is unacceptable!

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the privilege of interviewing former Naval aviator, prisoner of war, presidential candidate and Republican senator from Arizona, John McCain.

MI: Good afternoon Senator McCain.  With a war with Syria potentially days away it is important that my readers have a chance to hear from you.

JM: Thank you.  Who the hell are you?

MI: Um, Manhattan Infidel.

JM:  Manhattan?

MI: Yes.

JM: Providing military assistance to the rebels in Manhattan and other opposition groups is necessary. But at this late hour that alone will not be sufficient to stop the slaughter and save innocent lives. Aerial bombardment will be necessary.

MI: Um. Now regarding Syria – 

 JM:  Hold it right there son.  I was talking about Manhattan.  Leaders always have choices and history teaches that hard choices deferred – appeasing Hitler, failing to act sooner against Al Qaeda bring about the very circumstances we wished to avoid.  America’s leaders today have a choice.  It will determine whether our people live in fear behind walls that have already been breached.

MI: You do realize you are calling for the bombardment of an American city.

JM: The use of chemical weapons must not be allowed to go unanswered.

MI: What the hell are you talking about?

JM: I’ve been to Manhattan.  I had the breakfast at Denny’s.  It gave me diarrhea.  So don’t tell me Manhattan isn’t using chemical weapons on its citizens. We must bomb Manhattan and force regime change.

MI: Actually we are having an election now.  By November we will have a new mayor.  Regime change as you call it.

JM: Bomb Manhattan!  Bomb it now! Should the leaders of Manhattan refuse our demand then they must know they will be treated as the enemy.

MI: Sigh.  Okay we’re not going to bomb Manhattan, alright.  

JM: What’s that over there?  I saw movement.  The enemy approaches!

MI: That’s my cat.

JM:  Bomb it!

MI: You’re not going to bomb my cat.

JM:  Teabagger!

MI: Let’s get back to Syria.  Many people feel that President Obama has not made the case for intervention in the Syrian civil war.  Can you give my readers your reason for intervening?

JM: What’s that?

MI: That’s……my laptop.

JM: The best course for us is to begin fighting your laptop as if it were a war, with huge stakes involved.  We should commence today to mobilize infantry and armored divisions for a possible ground war against your laptop.

MI: Um.

JM: What the hell is that?

MI: It’s my iPod.  I”m playing the song Beach Baby by the ’70s group The First Class.  It’a a catchy song….Beach baby beach baby give me your hand….

JM: Did you say breach?  Your strange small transistor radio has breached our defenses?

MI: No I didn’t say that

JM:  We must bomb your strange small transistor radio.  If I were equipped with TOW missiles, some heavy armor, some tanks, then I think I can foresee a stable situation against your – 

MI:  iPod.

JM:  Strange small transistor radio.  What’s that?

MI:  What?

JM: That!

MI: What? What the hell are you pointing at?

JM: That!

MI: These are my pants.

JM:  I would arm, train and equip forces that would eventually overthrow your pants and install free and democratically elected pants.

MI: Come on.  No one is overthrowing my pants.  Except for Olivia Wilde that is.

JM: Olivia Wilde?

MI: Yes.

JM:  NATO should immediately establish a no-fly zone over Olivia Wilde.  We should commit troops and funds to ensure she is overthrown.

MI: That does it.  You’re out of here!

JM: What?  You can’t throw me out.

MI: Why not?

JM: I’m dead.  I’m dead I tell you.  A safe fell out of a 15 story building and killed me.

MI: Well if you’re dead then there’s no sense asking you where Bagel Street it.

JM: Bagel Street?  Bomb it!

Seeing that I was not going to get me any useful information I ended my interview with Senator McCain.

Update:  Manhattan, my cat, my laptop, my strange small transistor radio and my pants have asked all my readers to pray for peace.

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. All those years as a prisoner of war, with no one to comfort him except Jane Fonda, have clearly taken their toll on little Johnny. Although his plans for Olivia Wilde do have some merit.

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