My Exclusive Interview with a Zombie

All we want is a little respect!

All we want is a little respect!

Zombies are much in the news lately with many TV shows and movies being built around them.  With that in mind today at Manhattan Infidel I am honored to snag an interview with a member of the community of the undead.

MI:Welcome to my humble blog.

Z: Thank you.  It’s a pleasure to be here.

MI  I must say you’re very articulate and clean cut for a zombie.

Z: That’s racist!  That’s a racist comment and you should be ashamed of yourself!

MI: I’m…..I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean anything by it.

Z:  Okay then.  We’ll let it pass.

MI: I mean I’m not anti-zombie at all.  Lots of bloggers are zombies.  I don’t mind them.  As long as they don’t move into my neighborhood or date my children.

Z: What?

MI: Now, first question.  What it’s like being a zombie?

Z: We’re hunters and gatherers mainly, much like your native Americans.

MI: Oh, the merciless Indian savages.  Yes, I heard they had primitive ways.

Z: What?  You really should  stop talking like that.

MI:  So tell me what do zombies do for fun?

Z: We absolutely love soccer.

MI: Really?

Z: Oh yes.

MI: I didn’t know that.

Z: It fits our skill set.  As zombies we are slow moving and uncoordinated.

MIMuch like soccer players themselves.  Now I get the connection.

Z: Exactly.  In fact many professional soccer players are zombies.  So the next time you see a soccer player collapse on the field he’s not faking an injury, he’s just a zombie.

MI: Wow.  So any famous zombies my readers would like to know about?

Z: Joe Biden.  He’s a hero to us.  The first zombie to breakthrough and have mainstream success in the living community.

MI: Any others?

Z: Kanye West, Jay-Z, Keith Olbermann – though we all hate him – the entire 2013 New York Yankees.

MI:  Even Jeter?

Z: Why do you think he broke his ankle?  Zombies shouldn’t play shortstop.  We’re natural first baseman.

MI: That makes sense.  Now I have to ask this.  Do you watch the Walking Dead?

Z: Yeah.  The entire show is one giant hate crime against our race.

MI: How so?

Z: First off we rarely bite the living. Unless they’re with the EPA.  We’re vegans for the most part. The living just taste funny.  Too fresh.

MI: So what’s next for the zombie community?

Z: We’re trying to get our own land where we can live together.

MI: Like the savage Indians on their reservations?

Z: I’ll let that pass.  And once we get our own land we can build our own culture without interference from the living. It should be exciting.

MI:Who do zombies vote for?

Z:Well as you can imagine since we are dead we vote for Democrats.

MI: Do any zombies vote Republican?

Z: Yeah.  Mainly third and fourth generation zombies who have forgotten where they came from.

MI: Well that about wraps up my questions. Um, dude, your arm just fell off.

Z:  No problem.  I’ll just tape it back on.  Being dead we have these problems.

I thank the unnamed zombie for stopping by.  And I would ask my readers to be good Americans and good neighbors and welcome the zombies into your neighborhood.  They’re just like you and I.  But dead.


2 Responses

  1. If the cost of living gets any worse, I think I’l join the zoonbies. Besides, I am a soccer fan, so stop your racist remarks about those who play Futball. It’s not soccer and it is not foot bal. It’s FUTBAL!!!!

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