Mary Hatch, spinster lesbian librarian in the town of Bedford Falls has a message for the male ruling class:  She is woman.  Hear her roar!

“I’m tired of men looking at me.  Only wanting one thing.  My body is not their property!” 

I have a career as a librarian.  What’s wrong with a woman having a career?  I don’t want a husband.  I don’t want any man.  They don’t respect my vagina as an instrument of power!

Sources say that things came to a head when Ms. Hatch was walking home after closing up the library and was attacked by one George Bailey (shown here bragging about the size of his penis).

He’s been after me for years.  He has some sort of sick fantasy that I’m his wife. I’ve had to get a restraining order.  Not that the patriarchy in this town will enforce it.  Thank god someone filmed his latest attack on me so I could press charges.

Indeed the tape acquired by police was instrumental in Bailey’s arrest:

George Bailey sexual predator!

Bailey was arrested and later released in his own recognizance pending his hearing in front of a judge.

Though thankful that her tormenter has finally been arrested she is doubtful that attitudes in Bedford Falls will change anytime soon.

To the patriarchy women are mere chattel, without any rights of our own.  We exist only to have husbands and spit children out of our lady parts.  Well I’m here to say, “no more!”  That’s why I burned my bra.  A bra symbolizes how women are constricted by the patriarchy.  And once I stopped wearing a bra I figured the man would have to notice me.  And boy did they ever!

Hatch has started Bedford Fall’s first lesbian support group:  Women For Other Women and Against Patriarchy.

We meet a couple times a week and discuss issues important to liberated women such as maintaining a career, getting respect from the patriarchy and how to pleasure another woman. But mostly how to pleasure another woman.  Over and over.  We hang around high schools a lot.  We like cheerleaders.

As for the ruling patriarchy in the small town of Bedford Falls they appear unfazed by the lesbians in their mist.

“Look, they can sleep with whomever they want.  All we want to do is watch.  Is that too much to ask?” said one.

George Bailey maintains his innocence.

“This is all just a misunderstanding.  Mary and I were meant to be together.”

According to the terms of Hatch’s restraining order Bailey is not to contact her and must remain at least 100 feet away from her at all times.

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