My Exclusive Interview with Robin Hood

 Stealing from the 1 percent to give to the 99 percent

Today at Manhattan Infidel I am pleased to interview none other than the legendary Robin Hood himself.

MI:  Good afternoon.

RH: Ahoy there good fellow.  What brings you to the shire?

MI:  I’m a reporter.  If you don’t mind I’d like to ask you a few questions.

RH:  Anything for the press.  Say, you haven’t seen the Sheriff of Nottingham snooping around have you? 

MI:  No. I haven’t seen him.  Now what is your full title?

RH:  I am Robin, Baron of Locksley, Earl of Sherwood and Nottingham and lord of all the lands and manors appertaining thereto.

MI:  Impressive.  You must be quite rich.

RH: I am a nobleman.

MI:  So what do you do for a living?

RH: I steal from the rich and give to the poor.

MI:  What?

RH:  I said I steal from the rich and give to the poor.

MI:  So you take from the 1 percent, who pay most of the taxes and give to the so-called 99 percent. Many of whom pay no taxes at all?

RH:  I take from the greedy rich yes.  At some point you’ve made too much money.

MI:  So you’re a socialist?

RH:  I believe in the redistribution of wealth.  Yes sir.

MI: Whose wealth?

RH:  Why the filthy selfish rich, sir.

MI:  But not your own wealth?  You seem quite rich.  You have lots of land.

RH:  I need my wealth.  It enables me to steal from the rich and give to the poor.

MI:  So you are exempt then from your own principle of wealth redistribution?

RH:  [Pause]  I give to the poor.

MI:  You give other people’s money to the poor.  Other people’s money.  Without their consent.  Some people call that robbery.

RH:  [Pause]  I – I give to the poor.

MI:  Let’s talk about the Sheriff of Nottingham.  You don’t like him do you?

RH:  No I don’t.  Because of him I’ve had to hide out here in the forest.

MI:  Why is he after you?  Is it because you haven’t paid taxes on any of your property?

RH:  [Pause]  I. Um.  I give to the poor.  I’m compassionate.  I compassionately give to the poor.

MI:  So you steal money from already overtaxed people while you yourself avoid your tax burden?

RH:  [Pause]  I’m a good person.  Compassionate.  I give to the poor.

MI:  Mr. Hood, may I present the Sheriff of Nottingham.

SN:  Robin Hood, I hereby arrest you.

Robin Hood is placed in handcuffs by the Sheriff of Nottingham and his deputies.

RH:  You f#*ing c#*#sucker, Manhattan Infidel.  You betrayed me.  Racist!  I steal from the rich and – 

MI:  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Give to the poor.  I’ve heard it before.  He’s all yours, Sheriff.

SN:  Thank you Manhattan Infidel.

MI:  So, we’re good on that whole arrest thing with the prostitute?

SN:  As far as I’m concerned it never happened.

A handcuffed Robin Hood is taken away, kicking and screaming.

RB:  You motherf@#ing assh#@#!  When I get out I’m going to kick your f#$#ing c##(sucking motherf#$#ing ass!  I give to the poor!  I’m compassionate!  I know Oprah!

MI: Yeah keep talking punk.

And so ended my interview with Robin Hood.  Part of me regrets turning him in.  But I had to do what I had to do.  The Sheriff of Nottingham drives a hard bargain.


3 Responses

  1. Robin Hood? Hmmm…sounds more Robin of the Hood. “Robin is my name and robbing is my gave. Give it up sucker. I’m from the IRS.”

  2. Sheriff of Nottingham knows where the bodies are buried, huh?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Well, the Sheriff IS a government employee.

    Shamus: Da sheriff? He’s from Chicago you know.

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