Hurricane Isaac Changes Course; Makes Landfall on Samuel L. Jackson

 Samuel L. Jackson is not understanding God’s motherfucking plan!

Hurricane Isaac spared the Republican convention in Tampa before barreling into New Orleans.  This time despite torrential rains and hurricane force winds the levees held.  Isaac then did something meteorologists are calling “extremely strange.”   The hurricane headed straight to Los Angeles and made a second landfall over the house of noted thespian Samuel L. Jackson.

Earlier when it became apparent that Isaac would bypass Tampa, Jackson tweeted his disappointment:

Samuel L. Jackson @Samuel Jackson

Unfair shit.  GOP spared by Issac!  NOLA prolly fucked again.  Not understanding God’s plan!

It was after this tweet that Isaac headed straight for Los Angeles and Jackson’s residence.  Witnesses described their amazement as the rest of L.A. was having fine weather and the hurricane’s terminus were the boundaries of his estate.

Shortly after landfall Jackson was seen holding onto a tree as hurricane force winds and rain wreaked havoc on his home.  At one point Jackson lost his grip on the tree and was picked up by the wind, flying headfirst into his front door.  A stunned Jackson then retreated into his residence and tweeted the following:

Samuel L. Jackson @ Samuel Jackson

Motherfucking racist Republican hurricane is attacking me.  Not understanding God’s plan!

Isaac then ripped the roof off of Jackson’s house, picking him up and twirling him about.  As fans took photos Jackson was able to tweet:

Samuel L. Jackson @ Samuel Jackson

Motherfucker ripped my motherfucking roof off! I am not understanding God’s plan at all!

After being deposited in a none too gentle fashion on the ground Jackson then made a run to his car, attempting to drive away from the hurricane.  Isaac followed Jackson’s car and picked it up, spinning it around.  Jackson then tweeted:

Samuel L. Jackson @ Samuel Jackson

Motherfucking hurricane is spinning my car around.  Getting car sick.  Not understanding God’s plan or my vomit!

And in a final act of what can only be described as “hurricane vengeance”  Isaac carried Jackson, and his car, and deposited both in the La Brea Tar Pits.

As he slowly sunk beneath the surface of a recently excavated tar pit, Jackson had time to send out one last tweet:

Samuel L. Jackson @ Samuel Jackson

Racist motherfucking hurricane has put me in this racist motherfucking tar pit.  There are no white people in this tar pit!  Sinking fast.  Look for me in Die Hard 5 with my good friend Bruce Motherfucking Willis coming to a theater near you.  Goodbye motherfucking world!  Still not understanding God’s motherfucking plan!

Climatologists have dubbed Isaac the “racist Republican hurricane.

“Don’t kid yourself” said one climatologist. “Climate change is racist.  Expect a lot more hurricanes like this that will target black people.”

George Bush, the man responsible for global warming and racism, could not be reached for comment.  No doubt because he was planning another racist hurricane attack.


4 Responses

  1. Rigged Deibold voting machines, 9/11 conspiracies, Dick Cheney and now bigoted weather patterns? My God, Lyndon LaRouche was right!


  2. innominatus says:

    Boo0oosh? Nah, it was that asshole Q screwing with the Weather Modification Network.

  3. Can someone explain to me why so many successful blak actors have become professional victims? I don’t get it.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: More than you know.

    Inn: Cut Q some slack. He’s just having fun.

    Jim: Good question.

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