Davey and Goliath Confirm Long Standing Rumors: Yes We Are in a Committed Relationship!

 Oh Davey!

Longtime Christian spokespersons Davey and his dog pal Goliath confirmed today during an appearance on The View that they are in a longstanding committed relationship.

“Goliath and I just felt the time was right’ said Davey to applause.  “We no longer feel the need to hide our love.”

The duo met on the set of the TV show “Davey and Goliath” and the attraction was instantaneous.

Naturally we denied our feelings for each other” said Davey.  “Because of the nature of the show, you know.”

But I couldn’t deny it for very long.  I used to watch Goliath in the makeup room and dream about physical intimacy with him.  And I would feel such shame.  And I knew he was just waiting for me to mount him.  It was frustrating.

It wasn’t long before others on the set picked up on the attraction.

Once a crew member called me a homosexual and I got so angry I beat the crap out of him.

Take it back!

Right there on the set.  Well, the network hushed it up and put out a cover story that I had an addiction to methamphetamine.  Anything to cover the truth.

Things finally came to a head one day after many long hours on the set.

Goliath walked up to me and started sniffing my crotch.  I couldn’t stand it any longer.  The tension was unbearable.  I had to have him.

The two proceeded to get a motel room.

“It’s where we consummated our love.”

The owner of the motel confirms Davey’s story.

Yeah.  The two of them came here all the time.  Naturally I knew what they were doing and I didn’t care.  Still it freaked me out.   They were loud.  I mean loud, man!  I kept hearing  Goliath shouting, “Oh Davey……Oh  Davey…..yes..yes….Oh Davey.  Yes!”

And in the morning when I’d clean the room the bedsheets would have blood on them.  My kid asked me, “Daddy, did Davey hurt Goliath?” 

What the hell am I supposed to tell him?  That Davey pounded Goliath all night long?  Now my kid won’t stop crying and I want to gouge my eyes out.  Some things once seen are never unseen.

In a testimony to how tolerant America has become the network that produces Davey and Goliath has released a statement supporting the two.  There are no current plans to take the show off the air.

As for Davey and Goliath the next stop for them will be as the grand marshals of Pasadena’s Gay Pride Parade.

According to Davey, he and Goliath can’t wait.

“We are both so proud that they asked us.”

Davey is also writing his autobiography tentatively entitled, “For the Love of Dog” which is due out next year.

“I’m hoping that President Obama will write a forward” says Davey.


4 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    Dude, this has disturbed my childhood memories.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: This means I’m doing my job. The truth is never pretty and as a credentialed member of the mainstream media it is my job to pull the covers off your petty bourgeois existence.

  3. “I’m hoping that President Obama will write a forward” says Davey.

    Bill Ayers, more than likely.

  4. Where is PETA when you need them?

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