World Hails Mars Rover

 The Mars rover, as seen on Earth

When the Mars Rover made a successful landing and beamed back pictures to Earth many world leaders sent notices of congratulations to the NASA team responsible for its success.  As a service to my readers I have compiled a series of quotes from said world leaders that show the triumph of the Mars Rover, as seen through the prism of each country’s unique cultural heritage.

From a filth-laden hovel somewhere deep in the Arab Spring,  Ayman al-Zawahiri, the head of al-qaeda  said that the landing of Rover

…proves what imperialists the Americans are.  Not content with bombing sacred Muslim soil they invade another planet to set up their dog western law. And what kind of name is “Rover” anyway?  It’s a Jew name. That’s what it is.  I’d say more but I’ve been squatting in my feces for so long I think I have dysentery.

From France former President Nicolas Sarkozy told reporters that

This is a great moment for France.  The Americans put in a lot of hard work to make this happen but the credit and glory all goes to France. The Rover, it will speak French, will it not?

From Italy Silvio Berlusconi was ecstatic.

I am running out of underage Earth girls to play sex games with.  I hear that Mars girls are wild. Sexually voracious.  In that respect they are just like we sophisticated Europeans.  I have already arranged transport for myself and a three-year supply of Viagra on the next Mars Rover.

From New York City, where she was shopping, First Lady Michelle Obama had this to say:

America is a downright mean country.  People are complaining that with unemployment almost nine percent I am shopping for 1,000 dollar handbags.  This is just petty.  The Mars Rover? Whatever. Let Mars eat cake!

And finally, from a golf course somewhere near Washington D.C., (which for security reasons I cannot reveal the exact location) President Obama hailed the safe landing of Rover.

This is a great moment for science.  This is a great moment for America.  This is a great moment for the Muslim world, who after all invented science.  But most of all I’d just like to say that Mitt Romney has not paid his taxes in ten years.

Being an educated man myself I am looking forward to all the pictures we will now have from Mars.  I will leave you with a new photo that just arrived from the Red planet:

This makes me angry!  Very angry indeed!

Oh oh.  He looks pissed.  Just wait until he finds out I stole his Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator!


6 Responses

  1. innominatus says:


    Why dincha tell me that Melky Cabrera was into testosterone? Dammit, that’s a big stick missing in the lineup!

  2. I for one welcome our new Martian overlords.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: Damn those steroids and HGH. Who knew? he was a middling .265 hitter with the Yankees.

    Shamus: This makes me angry. Very angry indeed.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: I also hate to say it but I was always VERY suspicious of Melky’s new found offensive prowess.

  5. innominatus says:

    My “problem” is that I don’t really follow the AL until the postseason. So I didn’t know much about him. Also, he played in KC where postseasons are illegal. Further, he played for the Braves which is pretty much like sacrificing babies to Ba’al.

    So prior to his signing with my G-men, I didn’t know diddles about him. All I’ve known is the present-day MVP-ish Melky. Shoulda known it was too good to be true.

  6. I hope that thing finds a place for us to escape liberals. Mind you, the martians would do well to avoid us.

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