Obama Insults the Turks

You Turks do what I say or I’ll send Michelle over!

When President Obama was photographed holding a baseball bat (a potentially lethal weapon) in his hand while talking to Turkish Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan a diplomatic war of words ensued.

The opposition Turkish Republican People’s Party called the photo “an implicit insult to Turkey and its citizens.” 

Turkish leaders have called for an apology from President Obama.

As the firestorm raged and Turkish troops went on high alert, the White House tried to defuse the crisis.

White House press secretary Jay Carney told reporters:

The Turks are way out of line on this.  I mean, it’s not like the time he called Queen Elizabeth and was photographed rubbing the bust of Churchill against his crotch. Or the time he called British Prime Minister David Cameron and was photographed in a speedo while pouring baby oil on his chest.  Or the time he called up the President of Ireland, Michael Higgins, and was photographed holding a box of Lucky Charms.  I mean, if anyone should get offended it was the Irish.  Everytime Higgins said hello my boss would giggle and say “They’re always after me Lucky Charms.”  And let’s not forget the time he called Putin and was photographed playing with the skull of Nicholas II.  So you see, President Obama has a long history of angering, I mean “resetting” relations with allies but in this case the Turks are wrong.

As to why President Obama was holding the bat in the first place, the official explanation is that he is a big baseball fan and wanted to support his Chicago White Sox.  However upon further investigation the following rumors facts have surfaced:

  1. At approximately 11:53 am President Obama has a triple bacon cheeseburger for lunch.
  2. At approximately 11:55 am First Lady Michelle Obama discovers the President eating said burger and threatens to “clean his clock!”
  3. At approximately 11:56am President Obama hid in one of the many closets in the White House until First Lady Obama left the White House for a shopping spree in Manhattan.
  4. At approximately 12:25 pm, convinced the coast was clear, Obama came out of the closet holding a baseball bat for protection.  “Discretion is the better part of valor” he told an aide.
  5. At approximately 12:39 pm, still holding the baseball bat President Obama called the Turkish Prime Minister.

And so you see, the preceding crap I made up facts conclusively prove that President Obama was not trying to intimidate the Turkish Prime Minister or insult the Turkish people.

White House spokesman Carney has personally called Erdogan to explain the misunderstanding.

“All married American men carry baseball bats to protect them from their wives” he said.

No word on whether the Prime Minister has accepted Carney’s explanation.



3 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    If he was really protecting himself from his wife, the bat would have been wrapped with barbed wire!

  2. What’s the problem? If Obama is anything, he is great at making apologiiesSo, get on with it, Barry! Show us what you’re made of.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: I fear even that would not be enough protection.

    Jim: Yes, usually Obama would have no problem apologizing. But the Turks are Muslims. You know, the ones who invented math and science and so on and so on. Western culture, according to Obama, owes Muslims a heavy debt.

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