“Baseball is the greatest game ever.” ~ Jesus
Well, if Jesus didn’t say that I’m sure he mean to but probably had other things on his mind. Tuesday night found your humble blogger in the South Bronx doing what I usually do in the South Bronx: Wearing a trench coat and flashing old ladies Attending a Yankee game.
The above photo is of the newest oldest Yankee, Ichiru Suzuki (more on that useless trade later.) The Yankees started Ivan Nova (10-5 4.53) and the Orioles (who are in second in the AL East) started Chris Tillman (4-1 2.70).
The game started off well for the Yankees as their bats came alive in the bottom of the first. Derek Jeter led off with a double and scored on a Curtis Granderson single. Robinson Cano then hit a home run to deep right just in front of the bleacher seats where I was sitting. The scoring continued as pitcher Chris Tillman committed an error allowing Ichiru Suzuki to reach first and Raul Ibanez to score. And then Russell Martin singled home Eric Chavez. 5-0 Yankees after one.
So things were going well for the Yankees. What could possibly go wrong. Especially after Nova had struck out two in the top of the second on six pitches. But then the Orioles, with two out, scored seven runs, the big blow being a grand slam off the bat of Chris Davis. 7-5 Orioles after two. No problem. Still plenty of time for the Yankee bats to come around, right?
Right? Nope. The Yankees then did their best impression of a possum and played dead for the rest of the game, getting only five more hits, stranding six on base and scoring no more runs.
The Orioles, meanwhile continued their attack, scoring one in the third, one in the fifth and two in the eighth. Final score: Orioles 11 Yankees 5.
The Suzuki trade:
When I first heard of this I thought it was a bad trade. We are getting more production out of our left field platoon of Raul Ibanez and Andruw Jones ( 26 home runs and 72 RBIs in 424 at bats) than Suzuki (4 home runs and 28 RBIs in 402 at bats.) Ichiro is a shell of his former self. Old, tired and run down. (Just like Manhattan Infidel.) But at least we didn’t give up any top prospects for him.
Injury watch:
Brett Gardner is out for the rest of the year. We will miss his speed and defense. AROD is out for the next six weeks with a broken hand. Andy Pettitte’s ankle is not healing properly.
Notes on the game:
Before the game started the Yankees introduced some kids from local high schools who were recognized for their “healthy lifestyle.” As a reward for their healthy lifestyles they were given certified AROD needles that he used to juice up with. Remember kids, if you must do steroids, do them healthily. Also, Mayor Bloomberg was on hand to warn kids that juicing up with 32 ounces of mighty anabolic steroids in your needle was illegal under his administration.
Celebrity watch:
John Quincy Adams (pictured here) 
was in attendance. This was Mr. Adams first baseball game, seeing as he’s been dead since 1848. But we thank him for attending anyway. Note: I believe that was John Quincy Adams. Though when I approached him and asked him about the election of 1828 he wanted to know if I had seen any of him movies and did he make me horny. I think being dead has messed with Mr. Adams’ mind.
Paul Simon, (pictured here)
of Simon and Garfunkle fame was in attendance. When I approached him to ask for his autograph and to say what a fan I was of his he told me I was a bad boy and needed a spanking. Celebrities! Who knows what goes through their minds.
Donald Trump was not in attendance. He was at Monday night’s game however. No doubt hoping to use some of AROD’s juicing needles on his comb over.
Best heckle of the game:
I tried but my heckle of “King Shamus is to blamest” didn’t fire up the crowd.
Recommended reading material:
The Disruption of American Democracy by Roy Franklin Nichols.
Reader mail:
T.S. of Queens writes, “The Phillies are horrible this year and they just traded Victorino and Pence. I have nothing to live for. My life sucks…..what? No dear I wasn’t talking about you.”
Yeah, um. Good luck with that.
L.K. of New Jersey writes, “Do you have John Quincy Adams’ phone number?”
Shouldn’t you be burying bodies somewhere?
And so my record this year stands at 5-3. My next game is Sunday August 5th against the Seattle Mariners.
Go Yankees!
(537)
I guess next year will be a rebuilding year?
Jim: Next year? What to do? This team is very old. Jeter will be 39 next year. Arod will be 38. What to do with AROD? We’re stuck with him for five more years. We could release him but then we’d have to eat his contract. No one will take him off our hands. Our only hope is that he quits.
We do have plenty of good young talent. But this is the Yankees. We will trade them all away for past their prime former superstars. That’s just what the Yankees do.
We’re stuck with ARod for forever. He’ll never retire, not with all that money still sitting there. In five years Boras will use his Jedi-Agent mind tricks to convince Cashman to give Rodriguez another 8 year $150 million dollar contract.
As for Jeter, his age doesn’t scare me nearly as much as ARod’s, mostly because DJ doesn’t seem to have 30 game DL stints every freaking year.
Still, I think Yankee fans need to prepare themselves for the possibility of a very mediocre, nearly geriatric left side of the infield that will hang around for a long time.
Also, if you want a really winning heckle chant, I’d go with “Blame This On KingShamus”.
That’ll do the trick.
;-p