Feds Investigate Manhattan Infidel IPO

The FBI will investigate Manhattan Infidel’s IPO

Fast on the heels of the debacle over the Facebook initial public offering, Wall Street is now dealing with the looming scandal over the IPO for a relatively insignificant blog that calls itself “Manhattan Infidel.

Trouble began in March when the man behind Manhattan Infidel, a shadowy figure who has never been photographed and is known only by his nom de plume of “Ricky Hot Pants”  began the paperwork for the IPO of his blog.

Said a Wall Street regulator who reviewed the paperwork:

Something seemed odd.  The papers revealed that he hoped to raise 100 million with an initial offering of $50 per share.  I thought that this was unusual for a blog that only received 25 hits a day, with 18 of those being people looking for naked photos of Marty Feldman Not a naked picture of Marty Feldman and the others researching home remedies for gonorrhea.  So I called him up and asked him if this was a scam.  There was a pause and he replied, “Definitely yes.  I mean no.”  Then he asked me to repeat the question.  So I did. I asked him a second time if this was a scam.  He said,  “Most definitely, absolutely yes.  Dammit.  I mean no.”  So I alerted the FBI.

The FBI agent in charge of the IPO investigation reports that after he began looking into the matter he received a phone call from Manhattan Infidel, the transcript of which is as follows:

FBI agent:  Hello?

MI:  I know where you live.  

FBI agent:  What?

MI:  I know where you live and I’m coming over.

FBI agent:  Manhattan Infidel is that you?  Are you trying to intimidate me because I’m investigating you?

MI:  [pause]  Um.  Yeah.  Of course.  Why else would I be calling? [long pause] So I guess I should put my pants back on?

“I felt so dirty after that conversation.  I haven’t been able to touch my wife for weeks” said the agent who resigned and is now running a “purity seminar.

The second agent in charge of the investigation reports that he also got a phone call from Manhattan Infidel where he taunted him by repeatedly saying, “You’ll never catch me.  You’ll never be able to find me.”

So I asked him where that would be.  And you know what he said?  He said ‘Oh, I’m here having a beer at Fitzgerald’s Pub at 336 Third Avenue. Yeah, between 24th and 25th streets.’ We sent a few agents over to arrest him. What can I say? He’s no criminal mastermind.

As it turns out this is not his first attempt at scamming the public, as this photo of a secret government warehouseRows upon rows of filing cabinets dedicated to documenting scams by Manhattan Infideldedicated exclusively to documenting scams started by Manhattan Infidel shows.

“My favorite was the solar powered night vision goggles” said the agent.

Manhattan Infidel is currently being held without bail at a federal facility.  His blog’s IPO has been cancelled.


3 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    Turn these machines back on! Turn these machines back onnnnnnnnnn!

  2. Just as well, my friend. You would have had to renounce your citizenship and leave the country to avoid the taxes.

  3. On the plus side you didn’t end up in Gitmo, I know the muslims are treated with kid gloves but the rest won’t.

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