Robin Gibb, one-third of the Australian group The Bee Gees has not stayed alive.  His family has announced that he has not been stayin’ alive since Sunday.

Gibb’s family announced in a statement that “Robin has decided to not stay alive following a long illness.  The family has asked that their privacy be respected during this very difficult time of not stayin’ alive.”

During a press conference held to announce his not stayin’ alive the doctor who treated Gibb in his final days said:

Well you can tell by the way he used his walk he’s a woman’s man.  No time to talk.  And he’ll have a lot more time not to talk now that he’s not stayin’ alive.  Whether he’s a brother or whether he’s a mother he’s not stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.

Barry Gibb, the last surviving member of the Bee Gees released a statement that read:

I am grief-stricken.  I always thought Robin would be stayin’ alive. He promised me he would be stayin’ alive.  He lied.  The bastard.  What about me? Do you think I came by this chest hair naturally? No.  I pulled hair off of Robin and Maurice’s heads and glued it to my chest.  It was just my way of keeping disco relevant.  It was just my way of stayin’ alive.

Despite Robin’s not stayin’ alive, Barry Gibb has announced plans to tour as the Bee Gees.  Replacing Robin on the tour will be former Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs, who told reporters that

I received a phone call and the voice on the other end said, “Hey it’s me, Barry.”  And I said, “President Obama when did you get an Australian accent?”  He said, “Wrong Barry. It’s Barry Gibb.”  Then he asked me if I would like to tour with him.  He said there was only one condition:  I had to feel the city breakin’ and everybody shakin’ and that I had to be be stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive, ah ha ha ha stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive ah ha ha ha stayin’ alive.  Well  I informed him that I was in perfect health and I was hired on the spot.

Robin Gibb’s decision to not stay alive is not without controversy.  A group claiming to have seen Saturday Night Fever 2000 times has instituted a lawsuit directed at the not stayin’ alive Mr. Gibb for breach of contract.

The song says “Stayin’ alive.”  And we took him at his word.  This not stayin’ alive crap has us outraged! Outraged!   We haven’t been this outraged since we found out the Beatles did in fact not live in a Yellow Submarine.

As to how long Robin Gibb can continue to not stay alive, his brother Barry put it best.

Robin was always great at anything he put his hand to. So I expect him to be not stayin’ alive for a long, long time.  But you know it’s alright.  It’s okay.  I’ll live to see another day.  We can try to understand the New York Time’s effect on man.  Ah ha ha ha stayin’ alive.  Stayin’ alive.  And I am still stayin’ alive!  Yep.  I’m definitely stayin’ alive.

Funeral plans for the recently not stayin’ alive Gibb have not been released.

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