The Gospel According to Barack Obama (Part XIV)

The Kingdom of redistribution is at hand!

And when they drew nigh to the elections Barack sent two disciples in the mainstream media.

Saying go ye into the village where the rubes live and immediately you shall find an ass and a 2009 Cadillac limo nicknamed “The Beast” that I use to travel around:  loose them and bring them to me.

And if any man shall say anything to you, say ye that Barack have need of them: and forthwith have the Secret Service beat him up and sleep with his wife.

And the disciples in the mainstream media going, did as Barack commanded them.

And they did not find the ass but they found Joe Biden which was close enough and the limo.

And a very great multitude (according to reports in the press) spread their garments in the way: and others gave them gas cans filled with gas in case the Beast ran out of fuel: And Joe Biden did rideth in the beast and sticketh his head out the window, tongue hanging out and he did enjoyeth the breeze.

And the multitudes that went before and that followed cried, saying: Hosanna to the son of Socialism:  Blessed is he that redistributeth.

And when he was come into Washington D.C., the natives of the city were moved, saying: He looks like he has money.  Let’s mug him.

And the people said: This is Barack the prophet, who cometh to redistribute.

And Barack went into the Capital building and cast out all the Republicans.

And he saith to them:  It is written, My house shall be a house of socialism; but you have made it a house of capitalism.

And there came to him in the Capital the blind and the lame ducks; and he did eateth and finisheth his sandwich.

And leaving them, he went out of the city in Camp David, and remained there.

And in the morning, returning into the city, he was hungry.

And seeing a McDonald’s by the wayside, he came to it and found it closed and boarded up, for this was Washington D.C. and the place had already been robbed and burned down.  And he saith to it:  May no Big Macs ever be sold in Washington D.C. again for they lead to obesity in children and immediately the store was blown up by Secret Service.

And when he was come back into the White House, there came to him, as he was eating, the top congressional Democrats saying:  By what authority dost thou these things?

And Barack answering said to them:  Have you not read the Constitution which is over 100 years old?  For it giveth me unlimited power.

But what think you? A certain man had two sons:  and coming to the first he said:  Son, go get a job in the Federal government.

And he answering said:  I will not but I will get a job in the private sector.  But afterwards, being moved with repentance, he got a job with the Feds.

And coming to the other, he said in like manner.  And answering said: I go, sir; and he went not but got a job in the private sector and was profitable and employed hundreds.

Which of the two did the father’s will? They say to him:  The first.  Barack saith to them:  Amen I say to you, that only those who work in the Federal government shall go into the Kingdom of Socialism.

Hear ye another parable.  There was a man who planted a vineyard (after getting approval from the EPA), and made a hedge round about it (after getting approval from the EPA), and dug in it a press (after getting still further approval from the EPA) and built a tower (after getting an environmental impact statement) and outsourced the labor.

This man later went broke because of too many regulations. What say you? Shall he not have gotten a job in the Federal government instead of being selfish and seeking a profit?

Barack saith to them:  Have you never read in the law:  the stone which the builders rejected because it was unsafe, the same has been put into the building by court order?  And if the building collapses do not we then sue the builder for putting the stone there in first place even though we told him to?

And when the conservative Democrats had heard his parables, they knew that he spoke to them.

And seeking to lay hands on him, they feared MSNBC: because they held him as a prophet.


4 Responses

  1. These new Dead Sea Scrolls are amazing. ;-p

  2. Okay. We now know what happened to the lame ducks; but, I want to know what happened to the lame dogs? Hamberger?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: I prefer to call them the Drive by shooting South side of Chicago Scrolls.

    JCF: Well obviously the lame dogs were served later at a fundraiser.

  4. They looked for an ass an found Joe Biden. Lol, nice one.

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