My Exclusive Interview with Mel Gibson

You f#(#( C#$R#(!!!Today at Manhattan Infidel I am very pleased to interview the legendary actor and director Mel Gibson.  (I know what you are saying.  “Manhattan Infidel, how do you manage to get all these great interviews?“)  It’s simple really.  Be in the right place at the right time.  And look the other way when the midgets and trannies arrive.  But on to the interview.

MI:  Mr. Gibson it’s great to have you here.  I’ve been a big fan of yours since your Mad Max days.

MG:  Thank you.  Where are the cameras?

MI:  There are no cameras.  I have a blog.

MG:   No cameras? So no embarrassing videos will be leaked to the press?

MI:  I don’t catch your drift.

[Silence.]

MI:  Mel?  Mel?  

[Silence.]

MI:  Okay Mel, let’s talk about your new movie, “Get the Gringo.”  Now despite good reviews it had to be released straight to pay-per-view because you could not find a distributor, which isn’t surprising given the rough couple of  years you’ve had.  Care to discuss that?

[Silence.]

MI:  Um, Mel?

MG: WHY DON’T I HAVE A FIRST DRAFT OF THE MACCABEES?

MI:  What?

MG:  WHAT THE F*CK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?

MI:  Mel.  Mr. Gibson.  I’m going to have to ask you to lower your voice and calm down.  You obviously have me confused with someone else.

MG:  I’LL TYPE IT!

MI:  Type what?  What the hell are you talking about?

MG:  I GO TO WORK.  YOU’RE GETTING PAID.  I’M NOT.  S###!

MI:  Let’s back up here.  Obviously you’re upset about something.  But you have the wrong person.  I’m Manhattan Infidel.  You’re here for an interview.

MG:  WHO WANTS TO EAT?

MI:  You see.  That’s much better.  Normal. Sociable.  I’m very hungry.  How about some pizza?

MGWHO THE F*CK WANTS TO EAT?

MI:  I just said I did.  Pizza?

MG:  GO HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT!

MI:  Aren’t you going to join me?  I hate to eat alone.

MG:  HURRAY!

MI:  Okay.  I guess I’ll just go now.  Are you sure you don’t want to join me?  I know a great pizza place around the corner.

MG:  F*CK.  F*CK.  F*CK!  F*CKING C***S*****G W****!

MI: Why don’t you want to join me for pizza?  Are you lactose intolerant? Is that why you are in a bad mood? Do you have problems with dairy products?  They have soybean pizza just for that.

MG:  JOHN LENNON.  I’M GLAD HE’S DEAD.  HE DESERVED TO BE SHOT.  HE WAS F*CKING MESSIANIC.  LISTEN TO HIS SONGS.  IMAGINE!  I HATE THAT F*CKING SONG.  I’M GLAD HE’S DEAD.

MI:  Listen Mel, just come have pizza with me.  I promise I won’t put any John Lennon songs on the jukebox.

MG:  I DON’T NEED MEDICATION.  YOU NEED A F*CKING BAT TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD, ALL RIGHT?  HOW ABOUT THAT?

MI:  I wouldn’t like that one bit.  It would make the pizza less enjoyable.

MG:  I’LL PUT YOU IN A F*CKING ROSE GARDEN YOU C*NT.  YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?  BECAUSE I’M CAPABLE OF IT!

MI:  You know this pizza place does have an outside seating area.  It’s kind of like a garden. You’d enjoy it. Come on Mel.  Have pizza with me.

MGYOU SHOULD JUST F*CKING SMILE AND BLOW ME.  BECAUSE I DESERVE IT!

MI:  Now how am I going to do that and eat pizza?

MG:  WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU F*CKING IGNORANT B*TCH?

MIAn outdoor seating area.  Al Fresco.  Come on.  It’ll be fun.

MG:  HOW DARE YOU EVEN F*CKING INSULT ME WITH SOME OF THE STUPID REASONING YOU HAVE.  YOUR LOGIC SUCKS BECAUSE YOU ARE A MENTALLY DEPRIVED IDIOT!

MI:  Well okay.  I’m going now.  Last chance.  The pizza is really quite good.  Yum yum!

MG:  I’M LETTING YOU FLY NOW, C*NT.  FLY AWAY!

MI:  Okay.  I’m gone.  But don’t come crying to me later when you realize you’ve missed out on some delicious pizza.

And so ended my encounter with the legendary actor and director.  Mel Gibson.  Oscar winner.  Lactose intolerant pizza hater.

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5 Responses

  1. Infidel…do you not see homeboy’s beard? If that doesn’t scream ‘lactose intolerant’ to you, then you’ve been living under a rock.

    You can be so insensitive to your interview subjects, maaaaaaaaan.

  2. Has Mel been going to night school? It seems like his vocabulary is improving.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: I must be more sensitive. I know.

    JCF: He’s up to five letter words now apparently.

  4. I am actually of the opinion that Gibson and Lennon have a lot in common… Like being absolutely nuts… Or having… an uneasy relationship with Jews. John made a good career move when he got shot, though.

  5. Matt says:

    Well, at least he didn’t blame it all on the Jews!

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