Today at Manhattan Infidel I am honored to interview the putative Democratic candidate for senator from Massachusetts, Elizabeth Warren.  Miss Warren I thank you for your time.

EW:  Manhattan Infidel, you have a blog don’t you?

MI:  Um.  Yes.  Yes I do.

EW:  Good for you.  But I want to be clear.  You write on the internet the rest of us pay for.  You hire workers the rest of us pay to educate.

MI:  I don’t have any workers.  It’s just me.

EW:  Don’t interrupt me when I’m speaking.  You don’t have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize your internet –

MI:  It’s not my internet.  I believe it belongs to Al Gore.

EW:  Silence.  Now look, you built a blog and turned it into something terrific.  God bless.  Keep a big chunk of it.  But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who has a blog.  Share the millions you make from your blog.

MI:  Millions?  You’re not in touch with reality are you?  Now my first question.  You used to be a Republican but switch party affiliations in the 1990s.  Why?

EW:  I just felt that the Republicans lost touch with the needs of the working man.  So I became a Democrat.

MI:  Interesting.

EW:  You know I talk to commoners all the time.

MI:  Commoners?

EW:  Yes.  My limo driver. My butler. My cook.  And those are just three of the common folk I know.  So I am familiar with their needs and wants.

MI:  Such as?

EW:   Free stuff.  Free bread.  Good seats at the Flavian Amphitheater. Fourteen hour shifts in the emperor’s underground salt mines.  And of course free contraception for women.  After all, you’ve already paid for your date’s dinner.  Shouldn’t you pay for her spermicidal jelly? 

MI:  I’m not following you.

EW:  You have a date?  God bless.  Keep a big chunk of her.  But part of the underlying social contract is you pay forward her spermicidal jelly so the next kid doesn’t have to.

MI:  I see.  Well that about wraps up our interview.

EW:  One thing bothers me.  You called me the “putative” Democratic candidate.  I AM the Democratic candidate.

MI:  Well that has yet to be decided by the voters.

EW:  The voters?  I haven’t been appointed to Teddy Kennedy’s seat to have the people decide.

MI:   Actually that’s what they do.  It’s called an election.

EW:  This republic of ours is too precious to be put in the hands of the people.  It’s just not efficient that way.  We can learn so much from authoritarian governments.  The Chinese, for example.

MI:  I’ll let myself out.

EW:  So you’re going to let yourself out?  Good for you.  But I want to be clear.  You’re letting yourself out on roads the rest of us paid for.  You don’t have to worry that marauding bands will come and let you out.

MI:  Okay.  Like I said I’m letting myself out.

EW:  God bless.  Keep a big chunk of letting yourself out.  But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of letting yourself out and pay forward to the next kid that wants to let themselves out.

MI:  Goodbye.

And so ended my interview with the putative Democratic candidate for senator from Massachusetts.

(537)