The Gospel According to Barack Obama (Part VIII)

The Kingdom of redistribution is at hand!

Then came to him from the heartland of America conservatives and teabaggers, saying:

Why do thy disciples transgress the Constitution?

But he answering said to them:  Why do you also transgress the principles of socialism and redistribution?

But you say Thy gift of my taxes are too high.

And he that shall not honor thy Federal Government by giving his fair share of taxes make void the Constitution.  

Hypocrites, well hath Bill Clinton prophesied of you:

Do you any cigars?  I have some new interns.

And Obama saith: Every plant which the Federal Government and EPA hath not planted, shall be rooted up.  For if the EPA does not give permission it is illegal.  The Constitution gives them this authority.

And Joe Biden answering said to him:  Expound to us this parable.

But he said:  Are you also without understanding Joe?  Well, stupid question I guess.

Do you not understand that whatsoever entereth into the mouth, goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the privy?  Hopefully a low-flush privy at that which will not destroy the environment.

And Obama went from hence to the coasts to party with his show biz supporters.

And behold a woman who came out of those coasts, crying out, said to him:  Give me free stuff, O Obama, thou son of socialism:  my daughter is grievously troubled that she cannot afford birth control.

Who answered her not a word.  And his disciples in the mainstream media came and besought him, saying:  Send her away, for she cannot afford the $20,000 a plate dinner.

But she came and adored him, saying:  Where’s my free stuff?

Who answering said:  Why can’t I just eat my waffle?

And there came to him great multitudes who could afford the $20,000 a plate dinner, having with them the dumb, the  blind, the lame, the maimed, and many others:  and they cast them down at his feet.  And Obama did not eat his waffle.

And Obama called together his disciples in the mainstream media and said:  I have compassion on the rubes, because they continue with me and have not what to eat.  Maybe that’s why they always faint in front of me.

And Obama said to them:  What have you to give them to eat?  But they said:  Arugula

And he commanded the rubes to sit down upon the ground.

And taking the arugula and giving thanks to the EPA, he brake, and gave to his disciples, and the disciples gave to the rubes.

And the rubes say:  What is this crap?  What about a cheeseburger?  You’re eating a cheeseburger, Lord Obama.

And Obama, having dismissed the multitude, he went up into a private yacht owned by Tom Hanks and said:  It is not good for the rubes to eath cheeseburgers for it raiseth health costs.

And came he into Catalina Island.

(To be continued.)


3 Responses

  1. “And he commanded the rubes to sit down upon the ground.”

    That won’t be the last time he commands the rubes to do his bidding.

  2. innominatus says:

    >>>But he said: Are you also without understanding Joe? Well, stupid question I guess


  3. Matt says:

    Oh those silly rubes, when will they ever learn?

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