The Gospel According to Barack Obama (Part IV)

 The Kingdom of redistribution is at hand!

And having gathered his cabinet and czars together he gave them power to tell private insurance companies what they must cover for free.

Heal the sick and give them birth control. pills.  Cleanse the lepers and give them condoms.  

Do not possess gold, nor silver but only treasury-backed paper money.  But do not worry.  They will print plenty more if you run out.

And into whatsoever city or town you shall enter, inquire who in it has their thermostat set too high.  Use the truth squad to find out.  Then on behalf of the EPA, sue them.

And whosoever shall not turn down their thermostat nor hear my word:  go forth out of that house or city.  Amen I say to you, it shall be more tolerable for the land of the Red States in the day of my reelection than for that city.

Everyone therefore that shall confess me before men, I will also confess him before Michelle Obama.  But he that shall deny me before men, I will also deny him before Michelle Obama.

He that loveth father or mother more than me, or my policies, or decrees or Presidential orders, is not worthy of me.  And he that taketh not up redistribution of income is not worthy of me.

He that receiveth you, or any officers of the Federal government, receiveth me:  and he that receiveth me, receiveth she that sent me, Michelle Obama.

Now when John Kerry had heard the works of Obama: sending two of his aides he said to him:  Art thou he that art to come, or look we for another redistributioner?

And Lord Obama making answer said to them:  Go and relate to Lurch, er, Kerry what you have heard and seen.

The blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear and the dead rise again.  (Well, not really but they now all have access to birth control, thanks to my 1000 page plus health care reform.)

Then began he to upbraid the cities wherein were done most of his miracles of redistribution and health-care reform, for that they had not done penance and thanked him.

Come to me, all you that labour and are burdened, and I will refresh you with government handouts once the so-called Buffett rule is passed.

Take up my yoke upon you, and learn of me, because I used to teach constitutional law.  And I’m smart.  Not like people say.

For my yoke is sweet and my burden light.  Unless you make more than $200,000 a year.  Then you are the evil other and I will raise your taxes so that you pay your fair share.

(To be continued.)


6 Responses

  1. Birth control, condoms and abortion, great industries to get into when a liberal gets into power.

  2. “Do not possess gold, nor silver but only treasury-backed paper money. But do not worry. They will print plenty more if you run out.”

    Was that a quote from the Ben Bernanke translation of the Obama Gospel?

  3. Trestin says:

    If he gets a second term our bibles may end up like this.

  4. innominatus says:

    I love this series. And I can perfectly picture John Kerry crawling around the wilderness of Vietnam eating only locusts and honey.

  5. One Guy 2012 says:


    Right? If I would have known what was going to be so popular, I would have invested in plastics in 2007!

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    RWT: They are liberal sacraments.

    Shamus: The one and only.

    Trestin: I’m sure they are already working on new translations.

    Inn: John Kerry as Marlin Brando in the remake of Apocalypse Now.

    OG2012: Welcome to my humble blog.

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