The Gospel According to Barack Obama (Part II)

The Kingdom of redistribution is at hand!

Be at agreement with thy Federal Government at all times: lest perchance the Feds deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.

Amen I say to thee, thou shalt not go out from thence till thou repay the Government the last farthing (or your fair share.)

You have heard that it was said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.  But I say to you not to resist evil (especially not from Muslims.)  but if one strap on a suicide vest and blow thee up remember it’s the fault of America.

Give to him that asketh of thee (especially if it’s the Government) and from him that would borrow of thee turn not away but give your fair share.

You have heard that it hath been said, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thy enemy.  But I say to you, “Love your enemies (especially Muslims):  Do good to them that hate you and pray for them before they chop your head off.”

For if you love them that love you, what reward shall you have? Do not even the Republicans do this?

Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth:  where the rust and moth consume and where thieves break through and steal.  But lay up to yourselves treasures in Washington D.C. where neither rust nor moth doth consume and where thieves do not break through (thanks to our outsourced security guards.)

For where thy treasure is, there is the Federal Reserve.

No man can serve two masters.  For either he will hate the one, and  love the other: or he will sustain the one, and despise the other. You cannot serve the Federal Government and God.  Seek ye therefore first the Kingdom of the Federal Government and its social justice.

Ask from the Government and it shall be given you:  seek from the Feds and you shall find:  knock and largess from the Feds shall be opened.

For everyone that asketh of the Government, receiveth: he that seeketh, findeth: and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.

If you then, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children: how much more will your Federal Government give good things to them that ask?

Beware of false Republican prophets, who come to you in the clothing of sheep, talking about self-reliance and reducing the role of the Federal Government, but inwardly are ravening wolves.

Not everyone that saith to me, Obama, Obama shall enter into the Kingdom of Washington D.C.  But he that doth my will and accepts Federal help shall enter into the Kingdom of Obama.

And it came to pass, when Obama had fully ended these words, the people were in admiration at his doctrine.

For he was teaching them as one having power, and not as the Republicans.

(To be continued.)


3 Responses

  1. Trestin says:

    I’m looking forward to the allegory of Obama.

  2. I’m thinking there should be a Sermon While Mounted On A Pile Of Other People’s Money.

  3. I’ve just read this part one and hopefully very impressed. I hope will able to read part III soon. Thanks mate.

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