On Saturday afternoon on the West Coast Whitney Houston was found dead in her bathtub at the Beverly Hills Hotel.  I have held off reporting on her death until now because I didn’t want to rush to judgment until I had all the facts I was drunk Saturday and Sunday and in jail Monday and Tuesday.

There are many theories and the toxicology results won’t be available for weeks but after a thorough investigation, and in keeping with my status as a member of the mainstream media of presenting stories that are “fake, yet accurate” I can now give my readers the real cause of Whitney Houston’s death:  She was killed by Sarah Palin.

Here are the facts:

• Whitney Houston  was a successful black women and a threat to the white power structure.
• Sarah Palin is the ex-governor of Alaska, a state whose population is only 3% black.  Hence, Sarah Palin hates black people.

Now onto the events of that fateful evening in California.

At approximately 3:30 local time Houston’s entourage finds her submerged in her bathtub and makes a valiant but unsuccessful effort to revive her.  Why were they unable to revive her despite their CPR efforts?  There could be many reasons but the facts show that Sarah Palin imported racist, black-hating water from Alaska in her desire to kill Houston. This racist, black-hating water pulled Houston under and held her there until she was dead.  Think this isn’t possible?  Watch Supernatural.  They had an episode like that.

At 3:35 p.m. local time Sarah Palin checks out of the Beverly Hills hotel but not before telling those at the front desk that “I just killed a black woman.  Why?  Because I’m Sarah Palin that’s why!”

Note:  There is no physical evidence that Sarah Palin was in Los Angeles last Saturday much less that she was at the Beverly Hilton.  Yet I believe the facts, while not “factual” in the “fact” sense of “factness” display a higher truth, a certain “truthiness.”  And that higher truth is that Republicans hate black folk.  Sarah Palin is a Republican. Hence, Sarah Palin hates black folk.

In 2008 during her debate with Joe Biden, Sarah Palin said that if she was elected she would “kill a powerful black woman, perhaps Whitney Houston or Tyler Perry.”

Note:  I cannot find the exact quote in the debate transcripts but I’m sure she said it.  It has an air of higher truth to it.

On Sunday morning on her Facebook page Sarah Palin posted this status:  “I just killed a black woman!  And I feel great!”

Note:  I don’t have a screen shot of this and I haven’t seen it myself but someone told me that someone else heard someone in a bar say that they saw it.  This is good enough for me.  It has the ring of truthiness to it.

And there you have it readers.  Factual evidence that Whitney Houston was killed by Sarah Palin.  Will there be more victims?  Only if we can stop Sarah before she strikes again.  Do it for the higher truth.

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