The Association of James Bond Villains (“AJBV”) led by Ernst Stavro Blofeld has called for the pooling of resources among all enemies of James Bond.

Speaking from the AJBV home office in Utica, New York Stavro put forth his case.

I don’t  need to tell anyone times are tough.  There is a debt crisis about to explode across the west which will have profound repercussions on businesses worldwide.  In addition to the load of debt most people carry it is now hard to get credit.  But expenses are not going down but increasing.  Where’s the money going to come from?  That’s why I and my fellow adversaries of James Bond will be pooling our resources in the future. All Bond villains, once they have the necessary statistics to prove they are a villain can petition to join our group.  Once they do they will contribute 20% of their earnings to a common fund that can be drawn out when needed.

While the plan makes sense on paper and has many benefits and supporters still there is not a united front at the AJBV. Leading the opposition to the plan is Auric Goldfinger. Said Goldfinger:

I didn’t go into the world domination business to “pool my resources.”  If Blofeld is having liquidity issues it’s his fault. He’s simply spending too much.  Spending on non-essentials.  Ask him how much his plastic surgery cost!  One day I go into the office and he looks like Telly Savalas.  I bet the surgery wasn’t covered by insurance either.  Look, we all want to kill Bond.  He is responsible for getting me sucked out of an airplane for god’s sake.  I would have died but fortunately they were shooting an episode of The Biggest Loser nearby and I had a soft landing on a few contestants.  But back to what I was saying, when I kill Bond I want the credit.  All the credit.

Also opposed to the plan is Hugo Drax, noted businessman, megalomaniac and would-be space explorer.

Blofeld is just using this as an excuse to increase his power.  Originally the AJBV was a support group.  It gets lonely being a super villain sometimes.  So I joined the AJBV.  We had counseling sessions and a 24-hour chat line.  And I loved the barbecues we used to have in the Hamptons every summer.  Okay technically I know we were grilling not barbecuing but that’s not the point.  I’m not pooling any of my resources.  I’m doing okay financially you know. 

Despite opposition Blofeld says that he has enough support on the executive committee of the AJBV to push through his plan.

“And did I mention that those who pool their resources also get to pet my pussy?”

The AJBV is a limited liability Delaware Corporation.

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