Bowing to overwhelming public demand Mayor Bloomberg (pictured here) has declared February to be Manhattan Infidel history month.

February has traditionally been black history month.  Well now I am proud to announce that in addition to this February will now be known as Manhattan Infidel month.  Both deserve to have a month named in their honor. Blacks have made numerous important contributions to American culture.  Manhattan Infidel has pictures of me smoking, wearing a cheerleading outfit and singing Rogers and Hammerstein show tunes. So let’s just get the damn month over with alright? Yeah, I like to sing show tunes while dressed as a cheerleader.  It relaxes me.  Deal with it.  You know what?  I don’t need this shit I’m a billionaire.

The schedule of events for Manhattan Infidel month is as follows:

• On Monday February 13th Manhattan Infidel will give a five-hour speech from the steps of city hall while wearing only underwear.  All New Yorkers will be required to attend.  Those who do not will have to wear Manhattan Infidel’s underwear.  Those who refuse to wear Manhattan Infidel’s underwear will be forced to wear his underwear on their head.  Those who refuse to wear his underwear on their head will be given New York Knicks tickets.  Those who refuse New York Knicks tickets will be given New York Mets tickets.  Those who refuse New York Mets tickets will have Ron Jeremy visit their mother.
• On Wednesday February 15th Manhattan Infidel will hold an exclusive invitation-only “bobbing for razor blades” social at the 25th street armory.  Those who are invited to attend but refuse to do so will have Ron Jeremy visit their mother and deliver New York Mets tickets.
• On Thursday February 16th Broadway will be renamed “Pussy Galore” Avenue. Why?  Because that’s what Manhattan Infidel wants.  And it’s not wise to go against the will of Manhattan Infidel.  Not while he’s off his meds anyway.  All New Yorkers will be required to attend the renaming ceremony.  Those who refuse to do so will have Ron Jeremy pour lotion on their mother’s back while asking her “if she’s into it?“
• On Saturday February 18th Manhattan Infidel will be making a personal appearance at Fitzgerald’s Pub between the hours of opening and closing.  Manhattan Infidel will be signing autographs, posing for pictures and handing out his underwear.  All New Yorkers and all those who read his blog will be required to attend.  Those who refuse will have Ron Jeremy “audition” their mother for a film role.
• And finally on Friday February 24th Manhattan Infidel month will close with a special ceremony where Manhattan Infidel will be captured and re-institutionalized.  All New Yorkers will be required to attend.  Those who refuse will have their mother bear Ron Jeremy’s love child.

And there you have it readers.  Manhattan Infidel month promises to be the start of a great tradition.  Void where prohibited by law.

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