Most know him by his movie roles, whether it is Michael Collins, Zeus in Clash of the Titans, Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia or Qui-Gon Jinn in the Star Wars franchise.  But Liam Neeson is much more than that.  He is a deeply spiritual man. I recently had the pleasure to sit down with him for an exclusive interview.

MI:  Thank you for the opportunity to interview you.

LL:  Not at all.  It’s my pleasure

MI:  Let’s start at the beginning.  You were born in Ballymena, County Antrim, Northern Ireland and raised as a Catholic.  You were actually named after the parish priest.

LL:  Yes, yes I was. Ah, bless my heart you have done your homework haven’t you, Infidel?

MI:   I pride myself on doing my homework, attention to detail and looking good in women’s clothing.

LL:  Ah, don’t we all.

MI:  Let’s discuss your spiritual views now.  Are you still a Catholic?

LL:  No.  I was reared a Catholic but I think every day we have to ask ourselves what are we doing on this planet?  What’s it all about?  I’m always reading books on God or the absence of God and atheism.

MI:  I see.  That’s commendable of you.  So where has your spiritual journey taken you?  Where are you now?

LL:  I’ve converted to Islam.

MI:  Wow.  This will come as a shock to many of my readers.  What made you decide to convert?

LL:  Islamic prayer got into my spirit when I was filming in Istanbul.  The call to prayer happens five times a day.  It gets into your spirit.  It’s the most beautiful thing.

MI:  Okay.  I guess no one can fault you for honestly exploring your spirituality. What else attracted to you to Islam?

LL:  I like the idea of living in backwardness and filth. Modern hygiene is so Christian, don’t you think, Infidel?

MI:  Um.  I’ll have to take your word on that.  Anything else?

LL:  I have a few female dogs.  

MI:  Yes?

LL:  I just had them clitoraly circumcised.

MI:  My god why?

LL:  I don’t want them to become wild, promiscuous western dogs.

MI:  This is getting uncomfortable.  Let’s change the subject.  You look stockier.  Have you been putting on weight?  Perhaps for a film role?

LL:  Laddie, you noticed my suicide vest.

MI: Your what?

LL:  My suicide vest.  I’m afraid I’m going to have to blow you up now.

MI:  Why?

LL:  You’re an enemy of the prophet.  Now just relax.  This won’t hurt a bit.

MI:  Bullshit.

LL:  Ah, you have me on that.  It’ll hurt a lot.

MI:  Wait….NO!!

LL:  Allah Akbar!!

At this point the tape recording of the interview ended with the sound of a loud bang, screams and moaning.  In keeping with his last will and testament Manhattan Infidel’s ashes will be scattered over Olivia Wilde.

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