Republican Accents! Where's my Pizza?

White people!  I see white people!Good evening MSNBC viewers.  I’m Chris Matthews reporting tonight from the pivotal state of Florida.   The polls have ended and Florida Republicans have overwhelmingly voted for the intelligent candidate Mitt Romney.  I’m joined by chief political correspondent Chucky Chuck Chuck Chucky Chuck Todd.  Good evening soul brother.

Chuck Todd:  Thank you Chris.  

Chris Matthews:  What do you make of Romney’s overwhelming victory tonight?

Chuck Todd:  Republicans have woken up. They now know that voting for Gingrich is stupid.  Gingrich is stupid.  Those who vote for him are stupid.

Chris Matthew:  I agree.  Normally the mental inferiority of Republicans vis-a-vis we Democrats is manifest.  But by voting for Romney some of our intelligence has rubbed off on these stupid crackers. By the way, you’re from Florida aren’t you?

Chuck Todd:  Yes I was born and raised in that stupid abomination of a cracker state.  But being a Democrat I was smart enough to leave.

Chris Matthews: You don’t have a cracker accent.

Chuck Todd:  As a liberal Democrat I abhor southern accents.  A southern accent is ipso facto evidence of stupidity.

Chris Matthews:  Thank you Chucky Chuck.  I’m joined next by MSNBC carpet muncher Rachel Maddow.  Rachel, any comments on the election results.

Rachel Maddow:  Chuck, these results are a victory for intelligence – 

Chris Matthews:  Ever use a strap-on?

Rachel Maddow:  Intelligent people do.

Chris Matthews:  Thank you Rachel.  If you have just joined us the end of the world has been postponed.  Stupid, fat Newt Gingrich with his stupid fat accent has lost.  A northern Republican, granted as a Republican he is still by definition stupid and racist just not as much as a southerner, has won the  primary.  I’m Chris Matthews and I’m hungry.  I’m joined by Pope Sharpton, spiritual leader of the black race.  Pope Sharpton I’m hungry.  Where is my pizza?

Al Sharpton:  I do not have your pizza!  I am a respected political correspondent!

Chris Matthews:  You slay me!  Seriously where’s my pizza?

Al Sharpton:  Resist we – 

Chris Matthews:  Good night Al.  Don’t dare come back without my pizza.  I’m Chris Matthews and if you’re just joining me smartness is good.  Stupidity is bad.  Smart Republicans have chosen the man without the cracker accent.  I’m Chris Matthews and I now return you to your regularly scheduled program:  “Lockup with Stupid Tattooed Crackers.”



2 Responses

  1. Trestin says:

    I did not know liberals were allowed to eat pizza. I thought they were supposed to refrain from anything normal?

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Trestin: I’m sure it was some sort of lactose-free, gluten-free veggie pizza.

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