Why Are You Here?

Why are you here?It is now once again that time where I ask my readers one important question: Do you have any naked pictures of yourself? Why are you here? As Humphrey Bogart said in Casablanca, “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she uses my bathroom after eating the bad beef.”

Well, that might not be an exact quote but the point is, of all the hundreds of millions of blogs out there, why visit mine?  I’ve boiled it down to a couple possible reasons:

  1. Political commentary
  2. This is the only website I can get in jail
  3. You are on the blog roll of my favorite Trannie web site
  4. Spank me I’m a bad boy
  5. So this lube will make anal penetration less painful?

Fortunately I don’t have to guess.  I have the logs to look at which will give me details on who visits, where are they visiting from and what posts are they viewing.  So I sat down at my computer to take a look at the logs.  But logs are boring so I grabbed a beer instead.  Twelve beers  later I woke up naked in Ft. Tryon Park with a feral cat licking lint out of my navel.

So instead I went to my email address (webmaster@manhattaninfidel.com).  Lots of spam.  Lots of offers to move money from Ethiopian bank accounts.  But I didn’t find any particular answers as to why people come to my site.  There were no emails with naked pictures.

This left Plan “C.”  I’ll ask the most trusted man in America, Walter Cronkite.  Unfortunately Walter is dead and the only response I got from him using the Ouija board was “Food here sucks.  My ass is on fire!”

This left Plan “D.”  I’ll ask Dr. Oz.Dr. Oz, the most trusted man in America  According to Dr. Oz there are two likely reasons people visit my blog.  Either they are drinking too much apple juice and the excess arsenic has turned them  into zombies, “I Dr. Oz firmly believe in arsenic zombies.  It’s all based on science” or they are lonely, have very hairy backs and have never known the healing touch of a woman.

I don’t want to speculate on how hirsute my readers are.  I know that many of my readers shave their entire bodies for professional reasons. (Their body hair kept getting painfully ripped off on the pole they dance around.)

So that leaves zombieism brought on as a result of drinking too much apple juice.  (It’s all based on science – Dr. Oz.)

Since I care about my readers I must caution everyone about the dangers of drinking apple juice.  (Remember, it’s all based on science.)

So avoid apple juice.  And if any of my readers have any naked pictures  comments on my blog please send them to me.

Thank you.


7 Responses

  1. MK says:

    I’m here for the laughs.

    “I know that many of my readers shave their entire bodies for professional reasons. (Their body hair kept getting painfully ripped off on the pole they dance around.)”

    Alright, alright, that too. 🙂

  2. MK says:

    I forgot to mention, i also come here for the addition question you have in the comments, helps keep my math sharp.

  3. Trestin says:

    I keep trying to buy an Alex Smith rookie on ebay and it sends me here.

  4. I’m here for the Dancing With The Stars recaps.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    MK: I want my readers to have excellent math skills.

    Trestin: I already bough the last card. I’m hoarding them all to raise the price.

    Shamus: I always suspected you were a Chaz Bono fan.

  6. eots says:

    For my daily doze of Existentialism.

  7. Matthew says:

    On a serious note– Dr. Oz actually contributed to John McCain in 2008

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