A few days have passed since President Obama’s jobs speech to a joint session of congress.  No doubt all of my readers were hanging out in bars getting drunk and putting the Carpenters on the Jukebox were glued to their TVs watching the speech.

But what happens after the speech?  What happens behind closed doors when the real work of governing destroying America happens?  I’m sure all my readers are too busy having sex in public want to know the answer to this question.  Fortunately where the hell is my medication I’m starting to hallucinate again through my contacts in Washington I’d rather have a hooker but I’ll take your intel I was able to piece together the first behind the scenes meeting between President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner.

President Obama:  John, have a seat.

Speaker Boehner:  Thank you for meeting with me Mr. President.

President Obama:  John, on behalf of the five federal families I want to discuss the jobs bill.

Speaker Boehner:  Mr. President, as I have said before my colleagues in the House have concerns as to how this bill will be paid for.

President Obama:  John, pass this bill!

Speaker Boehner:  Yes, Mr. President.  I was at your speech.  I’ve heard you use that phrase before.

President Obama:  Pass this bill!

Speaker Boehner:  Mr. Pres-

President Obama: Pass this bill!

Speaker Boehner:  Mr. President if I may –

President Obama:  Pass this bill!

Speaker Boehner:  Mr –

President Obama:  Pass –

Speaker Boehner:  President –

President Obama:  Pass this Bill John.

Speaker Boehner:  Mr. President.  I cannot in good conscience support this  jobs –

President Obama:  Pass this bill!

Speaker Boehner:  No.

President Obama:  Alright John. You have forced me to do something very unpleasant.  You force me to go to the muscle.  Joe, come in.  [Vice President Biden enters the room.]

Vice President Biden:  Mr. President, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me into your home on the day of your jobs bill.  And may your jobs bill be a masculine jobs bill.

Speaker Boehner:  You’re joking right?  This is your muscle?

President Obama: John, pass this bill.

Vice President Biden:  That’s what the man said, he did.

Speaker Boehner:  No.

President Obama:  John, either your brains or your signature will be on that jobs bill.

Speaker Boehner:  I see I have no choice.  [Signs jobs bill.]

President Obama:  I don’t like violence John.  I’m a businessman.  Blood is a big expense.  Now that wasn’t so difficult.  Certainly you can present a bill for your services.  After all, we are not communists.  We are all socialists now.

Speaker Boehner:  Yeah whatever.  Can I go now?  Titanic’s on TV.  I love that movie.  It always makes me cry.

Again, I am thankful to my sources in Washington for this inside information you son of a bitch you said she was clean.  It burns when I urinate.

(2020)