With Fall of Gadhafi, Secret Police Scramble to Adjust

Not only can I kill, but I am knowlegeable in the entire office 2010 suiteWith the fall of Moammar Gadhafi’s regime in Libya officials in his formerly feared secret police have been struggling to adjust.  Recent documents released by the CIA show a force decimated by desertions as leaders attempted to get jobs in the new order.  Typical is one cover letter written by a top double agent to a temp agency:

With my years of experience I believe I’d be a good fit for any mid-level to management level office position.  Not only can I perform any suicide mission necessary, such as assassinating members of the rebel leadership council, poisoning their water supply or torturing them if necessary but I am also adept at the entire Microsoft Office 2010 suite.  I believe my knowledge of Excel and Powerpoint will come in very handy.  I am also available to work overtime and weekends if necessary. References can be supplied but I caution you to send an email rather than trying to contact them by phone as I have cut out their tongues.

Another agent, seeing his livelihood eliminated by the rebel victory tried his hand at stand up comedy in the nascent Libyan club scene:

Why did the rebel alliance leader cross the road?  Because that’s where the firing squad was.  You see, I was going to execute him……….these are the jokes people.  Whoa!  Tough crowd.  Why aren’t you laughing?  You’re all a bunch of f#$#$# zionists!

One former intelligence chief, unable to find work in the security field took a job as a baby sitter.  Writing to relatives he unfolded his frustrations with his new job:

I used to be important. Feared.  I was Colonel Gadhafi’s personal guard.  I’m used to people obeying me. But these kids!  So noisy and when I threatened them with decapitation they said they’d tell their mothers on me.  So I had them all poisoned.  When the head of the day care center found out I was fired.  Me!  Fired.  So I poisoned him.  I got my job back.  It’s a living.  But seriously, with my knowledge of Office 2010 you’d think I could get a job in an office somewhere.

Local Libyan employment agencies report an influx of former security officials taking classes in an attempt to diversify their job skills.

They all wanted to take classes for the Microsoft Office 2010 suite.  They also asked me if I had any classes on how to kill Jews. Unfortunately the how to kill Jews class was all sold out that semester. So they ended up taking needlepoint instead.

With the fall of the Gadhafi regime, many have decided to embrace their former enemy and have sought jobs in the United States.

“They should have no problem getting jobs” said a New York City employment agent.  “I mean they know Office 2010 and how to assassinate people.  Those skills alone should put them in demand with law firms.”


5 Responses

  1. Trestin says:

    Interesting. I’ve been looking to hire a former assassin with office 2010 skills.

  2. MK says:

    The common proficiency in Office 2010 is what concerns me, what, are they not apple fans or something.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Trestin: Try Craigslist. I’m sure they are listed on that.

    MK: Apple is socialist. Windows is fascist.

  4. Karen Howes says:

    Yes, but what about Excel and PowerPoint?

  5. Matt says:

    Office 2010, assassinations, suicide bombers, and henchmen.

    Things that go well together!

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