“With those who don’t give a damn about baseball, I can only sympathize.  I do not resent them.  I am even willing to concede that many of them are physically clean, good to their mothers and in favor of world peace.  But while the game is on I can’t think of anything to say to them.” ~ Art Hill

On Saturday afternoon the Yankees took on the Toronto “Eh?” Blue Jays in the second of their three game set at the stadium.  The Yankees started Bartolo “Genetically repaired arm that may or may not be from steroids” Colon (8-9 3.72) while Toronto started Ricky Ricardo Lucy I’m home Romero (13-10 2.97).

Toronto scored (I refuse to use the currently fashionable word of “plated“) first when Adam Lind his a solo shot in the top of the second to deep right field. J.P Arencibia followed that inning with a sacrifice fly that scored Edwin Encarnacion.  2-0 Blue Jays after 1 1/2 inning.

That reminds me.  Bottom of the ninth.  Tie score.  Bases loaded one out.  Jesus is at the plate.  Does he swing away?  Or does he sacrifice?  I’m just asking because I’ve been wondering about that and my medication hasn’t arrived yet.

The Yankees countered in the bottom of the second when Eduardo Nunez (playing shortstop in place of the resting Derek Jeter) singled home Andruw Jones.  Yankee catcher Francisco “I’m from Venezuela and I can tell you socialism sucks” Cervelli hit a two-run home run to left field.  3-2 Yankees after two.

The Blue Jays came back in the top of the third.  Dewayne Wise led off with a triple and scored one batter later when Jose “So not on HGH” Bautista singled him home.  3-3 after three innings.

In the top of the fifth Dewayne Wise homered to right center field.  4-3 Toronto after five.

In the top of the seventh after getting centerfielder Mike McCoy to ground out Colon was lifted in favor of Boone Logan who then got Yunel Escobar to fly out to left field and Dewayne Wise to strike out.

In the bottom of the seventh the Yankees came back with three runs.  After Curtis Granderson was hit by a pitch and Alex Rodriguez walked, Robinson Cano doubled them both home.  Nick Swisher (playing first in place of the injured Teixeira) then singled home Cano.  6-4 Yankees after seven.

And that was the final score.  David Robertson pitched a scoreless eighth and ninth getting his first save of the year while the win went to Boone Logan (5-2 2.72).  Top Yankee prospect Jesus Montero also had his first major league hit in today’s game.

Notes on the game:

It was SMA day at the stadium (Spinal Muscular Dystrophy).  Before the game several sufferers of the disease and their family were introduced at home plate.  The Yankees also presented a check to the SMA association.  A worthy cause.

Unfortunately there was some confusion. Several thought it was S&M day at the stadium.  Leather and whips were in abundance. Fortunately, since we are talking about pro athletes many players on both teams took advantage of the leather and whips.  Mark Teixeira could be heard screaming from the dugout, “Yes, I’ve been such a bad boy!  I need discipline.”

A girl’s softball team from Westchester county was also honored before the game. They went to the world softball finals and, while not winning, were still honored because the girls are just as good as the boys  (well, not literally.  If they played boys no doubt they’d be beaten mercilessly. But let’s just go with the illusion shall we?)

In keeping with the pedophile theme of most team’s theme songs (the Mets have “Sweet Caroline“) the Yankees play the Beatles song “I saw here standing there.”   She was just 17/you know what I mean/and the way she looked was way beyong compare.

Seventeen year old girls?  Isn’t that a bit old for a professional baseball player?

Best heckle of the game:

I tried but my heckle of “Why does it hurt when I pee?/My balls feel like a pair of maracas/oh my god I’ve got the gonoca-ca-cacas!”  didn’t fire up the crowd.  Perhaps they just don’t appreciate Frank Zappa like I do.

Reader mail:

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “Why does it hurt when I pee?”

It might be the gono-ca-ca-cacas.  Perhaps you got it from one of the hookers in your crawlspace.

D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “Why does it hurt when I pee?”

You live in Philadelphia. You deserve it.

T.S. of Queens but formerly of Philadelphia writes, “The Phillies will win the world championship this year!”

What does this have to do with it hurting when you pee?

The (in)famous M.B. of Brooklyn writes, “I am going to burn your apartment building down!”

Wow.  You sound like you’re in a bad mood.  Does it hurt when you pee?

S.J. of Manhattan writes, “I learned a new word.”

Pain while urinating?  (Well, technically that’s three words.)

And so this year my record stands at 11-2.  My next game is Wednesday September 7th against the Baltimore Orioles.

As I write this (Sunday evening) the Yankees have swept Toronto and Texas has beaten Bahstahn giving the Yanks a 1.5 game lead over the abomination of desolation.

Go Yankees!

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