Bono Campaigns to Forgive American Debt

Open up your big Chinese hearts!Activist, humanitarian, philanthropist and rock star Bono traveled to China today to campaign for the forgiveness of the U.S. debt.

Ushered into the office of the Chinese President Hu Jintao, Bono presented the Chinese leader with a t shirt that said (Red) Debt.  He then asked the  Jintao to “open up his big Chinese heart and forgive the American debt.”

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.  And I’m looking for the Chinese to forgive the American debt.  America will never be able to grow and prosper with its unsupportable debt which is far greater than its ability to repay.   If the American debt is not forgiven, uno dos tres catorce!  If the American debt is not forgiven they will not be able to spend more on health care. The United States is a poor, nondeveloping nation.   Is it fair to crush the spirt of Americans under oppressive debt?  I ask you Jintao, may I call you Jin?  I ask you Jin, look at all America has done for China and look into your heart.  Your big big big Chinese heart.

When Bono had finished talking Jintao shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“Actually my father was killed by American troops at the Chosin Reservoir” he told Bono.

At the mention of that battle Bono once again asked Jintao to forgive the American debt.  Sitting in Jintao’s lap he placed his palm over Jintao’s heart.

“You have a big heart.  It’s the biggest thing about you.”  He then handed him a few more t shirts that said “American Debt Forgiveness (Red)” and “U2 Tax Cheats (Red).”

Jintao asked Bono to get off his lap and then stood up.  He paced around the room a few times, deep in thought. As he was pacing Bono kept up  a chant of “Big Chinese heart……big Chinese heart…..big Chinese heart.”

Jintao then stopped pacing and turned to Bono.

“Will you shut the hell up.  You know what else is big besides our hearts?  Our forced labor system.  Take him away.”

On the President’s orders security guards grabbed Bono.

“Make sure he ends up in a mine.  I want him working 16 hours a day” said Jintao.

Bono was dragged out of the room screaming “Uno dos tres catorce!  Catorce!  Catorce!   When the Edge finds out he’ll be really angry!”

Jintao grabbed a cigar and lit it.  “What an idiot.  I can’t believe he was ever married to Cher.”

China’s official news agency has announced that the singer called Bono has been tried and convicted of espionage and interfering with Chinese State interests.

China also announced that in the name of peace Bono will be released if the rest of the world asks.

So far no one has.


6 Responses

  1. Well, don’t look at me! I’m not going to ask for his release. Forget it!

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Asking for Bono’s release would not be the conservative thing to do.

  3. eots says:

    A good one! Bono is an overrated musician with an oversize ego.

  4. MK says:

    Sent to a mine to work ey. Maybe al gore can go to china as well, to demand forgiveness of the debt.

  5. silverfiddle says:

    Excellent parody! You should be writing for The Onion!

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