Dalai Lama Admits He's Only In It for the Women

Have you ever done the rusty trombone with an internationally respected religious leader?The Dalai Lama the leader of the Yellow Hat branch of Tibetan Buddhism shocked his devoted followers today by announcing that “all things being equal I’m only in it for the women.”

I mean, what do you expect?  I have a really boring job.  How many times can you travel around the world and shake the Pope’s hand before you start drinking heavily?   I really have no responsibilities.  I’m just a figure head.  So why not embrace the perks?  And women are one of the perks.

The Dalai Lama’s decision to open up about his private life sheds light on one of the world’s open secrets:  His ravenous sexual appetite.

Many women who have met the Dalai Lama to receive spiritual counseling have been surprised instead by an invitation to an assignation.  Said one woman:

I was  thrilled to meet him.  I admire his stance on peace and economic justice.  I was expecting a blessing or some spiritual wisdom.  Instead he looked at me and said ‘So honey, ever done the rusty trombone with a beloved spiritual figure?’  I was shocked.  I didn’t know what to say.  I muttered something about having another appointment and left him there.

Not content with propositioning women he meets on his travels, the Dalai Lama also cruises the internet using the chat name “Robe_Warrior_75.”  The following is a transcript from one of his chat sessions:

Cheerleader_Prom Queen:  Why no, I’ve never played the trombone before.  Is it hard?

Robe_Warrior_75:  You sound hot

Cheerleader_Prom Queen:  Thank.  You’re so sweet.

Robe_Warrior_75:  So you like sweet things?  I have something sweet for you honey.

Cheerleader_Prom Queen:  Oh my god.  Is that….is that your testicle?

Robe_Warrior_75:  One of them.

Cheerleader_Prom Queen:  Um, I have to go.  My mom’s calling me. 

On another occasion the Dalai Lama told a reporter about his choice of attire:

Why do you think I always were robes?  No fussing with belts or pulling pants off.  Just lift up your robe and sweet bliss.

Because of his sexual appetite many around the Dalai Lama are trying to steer him in other directions.  Said one of his personal assistants:

Maybe we can get him to go to school.  Learn a trade.  Anything to give him something to do.  That way he won’t have so much time on his hands.  Hold on.  I’m getting a text from the Dalai Lama.  What the…..is that his testicle?   Anyway what was I saying?  Oh yes.  Vocational school.  Maybe he can learn Excel.

The Dalai Lama has not responded to repeated requests for an interview in conjunction with this article.


12 Responses

  1. I knew there was something sinister about that mischievous grin of his.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: Apparently he’s a very happy man.

  3. innominatus says:

    I’m wrong again, as usual. All along I’d thought the Dalai Lama became the Dalai Lama just so the Beatles would pay him a visit.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: Actually the dalai lama started the whole girl thing to meet the beatles.

  5. So the guy likes women. He’s in good company.

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: I wonder if he and DSK have ever met?

  7. Karen Howes says:

    Is THAT who I got the obscene crank call from last night? The caller wanted to describe his testacles, so…

  8. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Karen: Cut him some slack. He’s a beloved spiritual leader who believes in climate justice. You do play the trombone don’t you?

  9. eots says:

    If Maharishi was in it for the women, why not Dalai Lama?

  10. Manhattan Infidel says:

    EOTS: I don’t know. Somehow I always expected more from the Dalai Lama.

  11. MK says:

    I knew it, yeah brought us the Scoop infidel, well done!

    “The Dalai Lama has not responded to repeated requests for an interview in conjunction with this article.”

    Yes but did you try Robe_Warrior_75?

  12. Manhattan Infidel says:

    MK: I tried Robe_warrior_75 but he won’t respond unless I send a pic.

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