Obama Calls for United States to Revert to Pre-1776 Border

See that building behind me?  We used to own it.President Obama surprised many in Washington today when he called upon the United States to revert to its pre-1776 border.

“I think we can all agree that the borders of the United States, as they exist today will not bring peace” he began.  “My administration is dedicated to a two state solution between the U.S. and indigenous tribes of the North American continent.  The border should be based on 1776 lines with mutually agreed upon swaps.”

Under the plan that President Obama unveiled, the 37 states that were not part of the thirteen colonies would cede their land back to the native Americans, “the original and true owners of the land.”   In return for this swap of land the Indian tribes would promise to recognize America’s right to exist.  Americans would also get $40 of free chips at any Indian casino.

“The world is tired of the long conflict caused by American aggression” Obama told a room filled with rapt reporters.  “Under the false pretense of security America has taken thousands of miles of land from brown-skinned people.  This must stop.  The indigenous peoples of North America must have the right to govern themselves and reach their full potential in a sovereign and contiguous state.”

The reaction to the so-called “Obama Doctrine” was swift.  Lawrence O’Donnell on his nightly show on MSNBC called it “further evidence that our President is a genius.  He is more than a genius.  He is nuanced.  I bow down before his greatness.  Don’t look at me Lord Obama for I am an unworthy servant.”

Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), in a striking example of the war-like spirit of Americans that President Obama hopes to end with a return to a pre-1776 border said, “I am surprised by President Obama’s declaration today.  This so-called solution is indefensible.”

Senator McConnell said much more but reporters, disgusted with his intolerance, hatred and love of war turned their backs on him and walked out of his office.

Under provisions of the Obama Doctrine states will turn over their land to Indian tribes starting in Spring of 2012.  However, states that voted for Obama in 2008 will be allowed to seek an exemption from the law.

“It’s only fair” said President Obama.  “Voting for me proves that they are intelligent and have a love of peace.”

He then blessed the assembled reporters.


8 Responses

  1. This is terrible. Does this fool not realize that he will be plunging our country into an enormous series of wars? how many tribes are going to claim the same lands? Oh this is going to get very ugly.

  2. Peace Prize Bamster strikes again.

    Thank God he’s so smart, or we’d really be in trouble.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: But his plan is nuanced!

    Shamus: We are lucky to have such a great intellect as our leader.

  4. Zot says:

    I wish we had an American version of Benjamin Netanyahu as president.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Zot: That would be nice.

  6. Matt says:

    This could easily be written for the La Raza folks.

  7. elf says:

    The Jewish Tribes of the Q’uarash demand the right of return to the Hijaz.

  8. MK says:

    “He then blessed the assembled reporters.”

    Were they kneeling before him when he blessed them.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>