Dominique Strauss-Kahn, managing director of the international monetary fund and leading candidate for the Presidency of France on the socialist ticket was arrested and ordered held without bail over allegations that he sexually assaulted a maid at a Manhattan hotel.

The arrest has sent shock waves through not only France but the entire world.  Many in France blame the entire incident on the backwardness and intolerance of the United States.

Pepe Le Pew, a popular French television personality immediately defended his friend of 25 years.

I am zee locksmith of love, no?  But monsieur Dominique is zee safe cracker of love.  Zee chambermaid asked for it.  She no can resist zee love of zee French man. 

Many in the press acknowledging Strauss-Kahn’s compassionate socialist politics have asked the NYPD to drop the charges.

In an editorial Wednesday the New York Times asked:

How long must the rest of the world laugh at our backwardness?  Strauss-Kahn is a respected socialist with a long history of redistributing ill-gotten capitalist gains to the working class.  Must his noble career end this way?  When he forcibly touched the chambermaid’s mouth with his penis he was simply following a lifetime of noble redistributionist policies. Besides, the maid should be happy that a benevolent, paternalistic white man showed interest in her.

The cover of the latest issue of Newsweek boldly states, “We are all re-distributors of semen now!”

From a $20,000 a plate dinner with campaign contributors, President Obama addressed the scandal.

At some point you have to ask yourselves if you have too much semen.  Maybe it is time to give some of your semen to the lower classes.  This will help raise them eugenically to a higher standard.  My administration is committed to a redistributionist semen policy.

On the planet Vulcan where he was helping his first officer redistribute his semen in a Pon Farr ceremony, Captain James. T. Kirk  of the Starship Enterprise had this to say:

Strauss-Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhnnnnn!

No matter the outcome of the trial, or even if charges are dropped, Strauss-Kahn’s political career appears to be over.  However all is not lost for the randy Frenchman.  CNN has offered him his own show.

Susan Grant, executive vice president of CNN news services told reporters, “We know what our audience wants.  And that’s disgraced ex-politicians.  We’re thinking of a new show with him and Spitzer called ‘I’m a little bit whore and he’s a little bit chamber maid.’  Trust me.  It’ll be a huge hit.”

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