My Exclusive Interview with Wife of Bin Laden Injured in Navy Seal Raid

Mommy!  The Americans are being mean to me!During the raid on Osama Bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad, one of his wives, Amal Ahmed Abdulfattah, a 29 year old native Yemeni who married Bin Laden in 2000 was shot and injured.  She is currently recuperating in a Pakistani Military Hospital.  I was lucky enough to be given access to her for an exclusive interview.

MI:  Thank you for meeting with me.

AAA:  I’ve always wanted to meet a rich American blogger with a readership of millions.

MI:  Um, yeah.  That’s me. First off,  how were you injured?

AAA:   I was mowing the grass in the compound and tripped and broke my ankle.

MI:  So it wasn’t during the raid?

AAA:  No.  I was doing chores around the house since my husband was too lazy to do anything.

MI:  What was life like in the compound.  You lived with him for five years there.

AAA: Boring.  We never went out.   I used to beg him.  Obby please.  Let’s go dancing this weekend.  But no.  Never.  He would just sit around in his t shirt drinking cans of Schlitz and watching The Bodyguard.  You know, the Whitney Houston flick.  He had a thing for her.

MI:  Tell me about the raid.  What were your husband’s last moments like?

AAA:  It was a typical night.  I was yelling at Obby.  “Can’t you do more around the house?  Can we go dancing?  Why must I wear the same outfit as your other wives?” when the Americans burst in.

MI:  What happened then?

AAA:  He begged the Americans to shoot him.  He said “Come on fellas.  Shoot me.  Put me out of my misery.  Anything is better than listening to her nag me all night long.”  Then the Americans shot him.  He didn’t even have the decency to go downstairs and bleed.  I had just vacuumed!  

MI:  Did he say anything before he died?

AAA:  He said “Praise be to Allah.”  And “ouch.”  He said ouch a lot.  Now that I think about it his last words were “Praise be to ouch. Ouch.  Ouch.”

MI:  What was your relationship like with Bin Laden’s other wives?

AAA:  We got along as well as Kim Cattrell and Sarah Jessica Parker.  My only consolation was he never took any of them dancing either.  The cheap bastard.

MI:  Well I think I have all the information I need.  I thank you for your time.

AAA:  Do you want to go dancing?


AAA:  I know a good club in Islamabad.  They have disco nights.  But I’ll need new shoes.  Can you buy me new shoes?

MI I’m not buying you shoes or taking you dancing.

AAA:  Why not?  I need new shoes!  Why won’t you take me dancing? It’s because I’m Yemeni isn’t it?

MI:  I should be going.

AAAGo ahead.  Leave me you bastard.  I hate you!  Where are you going?  Please take me dancing.

I left her in the hospital still begging to be taken dancing.  If any of my readers would like to take her dancing feel free to do so.


7 Responses

  1. MK says:

    i hear the CIA is going to get access to his wives, time to bring out the water and basin, make em sing.

  2. innominatus says:

    I don’t even dance with my own wife because I hate dancing and I suck at it. But mostly because I suck at it. Sorry Amal.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    MK: Don’t forget the mop so they can clean afterwords.

    Inn: Damn. I already got you a ticket to Pakistan so you can take her dancing.

    As groucho marx once said: “Woman are a species that believes it doesn’t dance enough.”

  4. Groucho Marx is a great mind.

    As for Amal, I doubt she has moves like this:

    NSFW…or anywhere else. It’s really explicit.

  5. Greg says:

    Can she belly dance?

  6. Are you sure you didn’t take her dancing. something sounds fishy here.

  7. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Okay okay, i took her dancing. But i didn’t buy her any shoes.

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