Native Americans Offended by Osama Bin Laden's Code Name

Geronimo has never jumped out of an airplane!There are many side stories surrounding the death of Bin Laden (Was he smoking at the time of his death? What was playing on his iPod? Beatles? Perry Como? Why did he have the entire Flying Nun DVD collection?) Perhaps the most surprising is the umbrage that Native Americans (formerly known by the offensive and derogatory term “Indians“) took over the code name Geronimo being assigned to Bin Laden.

Said one prominent native American:

For many moons white man speak with forked tongue.  White man take us from our lands. Many moons we wander.  Lose track of happy hunting grounds.  Totem pole sad.  Rain dance not work.  Hey-ya hey-ya hey-ya hi-ya hi-ya hi-ya.

Note:  The native American in question actually said none of that. He emailed me an eloquent plea against stereotyping his race.  But I decided to use the “many moons” quote because it’s so cool in the westerns.  I love westerns.  Well, except the ones where the merciless Indian savages win.

Aware of the firestorm created by use of the Geronimo code name the CIA has decided to use a new code name in its hunt for Ayman al-Zawahiri, who after Bin Laden’s death has inherited the number one position in Al Qaeda.

According to CIA director Leon Panetta, al-Zawahiri has been given a code name that “will not offend.”

After much research and discussion with other agencies and representatives of the native American community we have decided to give al-Zawahiri the code name of “Definitely not a native American.”  We feel that this name shows the respect we hold for the native American community.  Besides, who wants to get those red bastards angry?  I mean the last thing I want is to be scalped by one of those savages.  What?  What do you mean my microphone is still on?  I don’t know how to work this damn thing.  It’s not my normal mic but I had to return that one to accounting.  I mean Jesus what a bunch of goddamn Indian givers.

In keeping with the CIA’s new sensitive code-naming convention, in the future all Al Qaeda leaders yet to be located will be given one of three code names:

  1. Medicine Man;
  2. Fire Stick; or
  3. Pete Best

“That ought to keep the bastards happy” said Panetta.  “They had more demands but I bought them off with some booze.  Fire water I think they call it.”

(709)

6 Responses

  1. How about Shitting Bull (No relation to the Bull that was seated).

  2. How about we offend regular old Indian Indians and call Ayman al-Zawahiri ‘Mahatma Gandhi’?

    What, too soon?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Good idea.

    Shamus: It’s never too early to offend. There is a statue of Gandhi in Union Square in Manhattan. Every time I pass it i say, “Gosh, he looks hungry.”

  4. innominatus says:

    It wasn’t the Flying Nun. It was the Courtship of Eddie’s Father. Try not to let the CoEF theme song get stuck in your head. Ha. Too late. You’re screwed.

    You’ll be humming that song for weeks!

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Damn you Inn! This means war. I see your CEF and I raise you Wham!

    You put the boom-boom into my heart
    You send my soul sky high when your lovin’ starts
    Jitterbug into my brain
    Goes a bang-bang-bang ’til my feet do the same
    But something’s bugging you
    Something ain’t right
    My best friend told me what you did last night
    Left me sleepin’ in my bed
    I was dreaming, but I should have been with you instead.

    Wake me up before you go-go
    Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    I don’t want to miss it when you hit that high
    Wake me up before you go-go
    ‘Cause I’m not plannin’ on going solo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    Take me dancing tonight
    I wanna hit that high (yeah, yeah)

    You take the grey skies out of my way
    You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day
    Turned a bright spark into a flame
    My beats per minute never been the same

    ‘Cause you’re my lady, I’m your fool
    It makes me crazy when you act so cruel
    Come on, baby, let’s not fight
    We’ll go dancing, everything will be all right

    Wake me up before you go-go
    Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    I don’t want to miss it when you hit that high
    Wake me up before you go-go
    ‘Cause I’m not plannin” on going solo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    Take me dancing tonight
    I wanna hit that high (yeah, yeah, baby)

    (Jitterbug)
    (Jitterbug)

    Cuddle up, baby, move in tight
    We’ll go dancing tomorrow night
    It’s cold out there, but it’s warm in bed
    They can dance, we’ll stay home instead

    (Jitterbug)

    Wake me up before you go-go
    Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    I don’t want to miss it when you hit that high
    Wake me up before you go-go
    ‘Cause I’m not plannin’ on going solo
    Wake me up before you go-go
    Take me dancing tonight
    Wake me up before you go-go, don’t you dare to leave me hanging on like a
    yo-yo
    Take me dancing

    (Boom-boom-boom)

  6. innominatus says:

    Wham! is next on my mental play list, after I finally manage to evict that stupid Eddie’s Father song… which has been there since I first mentioned it. 🙁

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>