January 20th, 2013: Obama Gives His Second Inaugural Address

See that building behind me?  We used to own it.As happens every four years, the President of the United States gives his inaugural address from the Capitol building.  Recently reelected,  President Obama prepared to take the oath of office for his triumphant second term.

Because the Capitol Building has recently been sold the inaugural was held in the basement of a local coffee shop.  Also, to raise money President Obama wore a cap that promoted website provider Godaddy.com.

As the coffee shop was having its open mike, President Obama waited patiently as a transsexual albino Buddhist folk singer finished his version of “If I had a hammer.”

Once he finished, President Obama strode to the stage.

“My fellow Americans” he began.  “I speak today aware of the challenges our Nation faces.  Because we have filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection – “

“We can’t hear you” and “Louder” were two cries that came from the audience.

President Obama tapped the microphone.

“Hello.  Is this thing on? Hello?”

A coffee shop employee helped President Obama with the technical glitch and the Inaugural address proceeded.

“My fellow Americans.  Bankruptcy, while painful, is not the end of the world.  Yes it was embarrassing having to sell every Federal building in the United States but the income derived from that will help us build a high speed rail link – ”

“Boring!’ shouted one audience member.

“Bring back the trannie” shouted another.

A third member threw his coffee at President Obama and said “Show us your tits honey.”

Ducking the thrown drink President Obama continued.

“Please people.  I only have five minutes before the next act.  And don’t throw any more drinks.  Normally I’d have the Secret Service arrest you but the ones that haven’t been laid off have all been reassigned guarding construction on a high speed rail link.”

President Obama stopped as his eyes focused on a flashing yellow light.

“The light is flashing.  Is…..is my time up already?  But I want to talk more about high speed rail.”

The manager of the coffee shop grabbed the microphone from President Obama.

“Times up pal.  Now get off the stage.  We got other acts and I have to keep things moving.”

A  dejected President Obama walked off stage muttering “Maybe Denny’s will let me talk about high speed rail.”

The open mike continued as the manager introduced the next act.

“Let’s put our hands together for Debbie.  Debbie is 16 and would like to read from her diary.”

Debbie put on her glasses and started reading.

“Dear diary.  Today I cried.”

On the street outside President Obama rifled through his pockets looking for change.

“I hope I have enough for a cab” he said.



6 Responses

  1. The Jungers says:

    And out of no where appears the ghost of Ronald Reagan, who throws down Obama and efficiently T-bags him. POWNAGE BITCH!

  2. Dear Diary, If Obama wins in 2012, I’ll cry. Forever.


  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    TJ: Such inflammatory rhetoric. Keep up the good work.

    Shamus: If he does get reelected, remember to tap your heels together and say “There’s no place like home. Unless it’s Camden. Or Detroit. Or anywhere in California.”

  4. innominatus says:

    Camden isn’t so bad. They say “youze” a lot. “Youze guys better not cause no trouble” and stuff like that. Cracks me up every time. It makes me smile enough to forget all about the bullet wounds.

  5. The Jungers says:

    If Obama gets reelected I’m going to lead my people to the most sacred place in the world and make it my compound. Where is this sacred place you may ask? Yankee Stadium.

  6. Eileen Brown says:


    So, I mentioned your blog at SoftCity in a conversation, located here:

    Any yes, I find your blog truly funny, insane and somewhat adult, thank God for small favors. Children are not the only people in the world. YES, they need to be protected. NO, I do not want to spend my lift talking baby talk.

    Great blog dude.

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