In Brave Act of Tolerance, Muslim Brotherhood Promises to Slaughter Only Zionists, Not All Jews Indiscriminately

All Jews, er I mean, all Zionists must die!In a far-reaching act of tolerance, the Muslim Brotherhood announced today that, if they are successful in establishing Sharia Law in Egypt they will limit their bloodshed to known Zionists and the allies of the Zionist state of Israel.  Non-Zionist Jews will be allowed to live, though they will have to wear the Star of David and live in secluded ghettos.

This brave call for tolerance was welcomed by the Obama Administration as a sign of the growing secularization of the organization.  Said the Director of National Intelligence James Clapper:

As I’ve been saying for a long time the Muslim Brotherhood is a secular organization, not a religious one.  They are a charitable organization that wants the same thing this administration does:  peace in the Middle East and the destruction of Israel.  You know no one believed me when I said the Brotherhood was a secular organization but today’s announcement proves it is.  Who has egg on their face now?  And they’ve largely eschewed violence as well, though I do believe they shot J.R. Ewing.  And I think they were responsible for the plane crash on Lost.

The General Leader of the Muslim Brotherhood, Mohammad Badie, upon making the announcement said that he only wants to use his scimitar to “behead Zionist pigs.”  He went on to state that there are some Jews he can live with.

Sammy Davis Jr. is a Jew I like.  My doctor is a Jew I like.  My lawyer is a Jew I like.  They will be spared, though they will be forbidden to sit on juries, own property, run for elective office or own a camel with more than one hump, Allah be merciful.

The Muslim Brotherhood’s announcement was greeted with enthusiasm in Hollywood where many are hoping that it would take this opportunity to rid the world of the terror that is Zionism.

Danny Glover said, “The destruction of Israel would be a good thing.  Don’t ask me why.  I’m clearly insane.”

Ed Asner told reporters that “I am a Jew and I favor a Palestinian state in that occupied territory.  Dammit why can’t I move my bowels?”

Appearing on Lawrence O’Donnell’s show on MSNBC Jenny McCarthy said, “I hate Zionism.  These are my breasts.”

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu warned the Muslim Brotherhood that it would be a mistake to attack Israel.

“We have powerful friends.  Or as least we will again when President Obama is defeated.”

President Obama thanked the Muslim Brotherhood for its announcement and praised their decision to “redistribute the Jews.”



4 Responses

  1. The Jungers says:

    In other news Al-qaeda, another secular organization detested the Muslim Brotherhood saying that any Muslim that doesn’t move to kill all the Jews is against Allah’s will! Allah Akbar, I kill you!!!!

  2. Is that a scimitar in your pants or are you happy to decleare death to the Zionists?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    TJ: Allah Akbar! No wait, wasn’t that a Styx album from the early 80s?

    Shamus: It’s definitely a scimitar. And thanks to Cialis the time is right.

  4. Matt says:

    Is this the “change” we’ve been waiting for?

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