On February 20th, 2009, a date which will live in infamy, a small humble blog named Manhattan Infidel debuted to intense anticipation and rave reviews.

The New York Times wrote, “A small insignificant blog.  The blogger needs serious psychological counseling.”

MSNBC opined that “Manhattan Infidel is just the latest manifestation of dangerous anti-government feelings.  Clearly this man is not of the elite.  Probably a redneck.  Stupid too.”

Newly elected President of the United States Barack Obama warned Americans to “Ignore the hate-filled rhetoric of this man.  No doubt he clings to guns and religion.”

Olivia Wilde wrote “Show up at my door again and this time the taser gets directed at your scrotum.”

I get letters at Manhattan Infidel (mostly from my landlord threatening legal action to claim back rent) but as I did on my first anniversary I’d like to open up the reader mailbag.  As with last year’s Godfather-themed mailbag, this year’s mailbag will have a movie theme as well – the classic (not the remake) Planet of the Apes.  (My apologies to anyone who isn’t as obsessed with the movie as I am.)

King Shamus writes, “You are a menace. A walking pestilence.”

Hey, I told you before – the sheep dip cured my crabs.

Innominatus writes, “And that completes my final report until we reach touchdown. We’re now on full automatic in the hands of the computers.”

I see someone has a new Windows 7 computer.  Ain’t we all fancy.

Matt from Conservative Hideout writes, “Shut up you freak.  I said shut up!”

No need to turn the hose on me sir.

Mark of Feed the Rhino writes, “According to Dr. Haslein’s theory of time in a vehicle traveling nearly the speed of light the Earth has aged 700 years since we left it, while we’ve hardly aged at all.  Maybe so.  This much is probably true – the men who sent us on this journey are long since dead and gone.”

It wasn’t me.  I have an alibi.

Hosni Mubarak writes, “I recently relocated to New York.  Are the rents cheap?  Do many Jews live here?”

Yes, rents are amazingly cheap.  No.  There are no Jews in New York City.  Enjoy your stay.

K.H. of Eastern Right adds, “Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape.”

But I shaved my back!

M.B of Brooklyn writes, “Manhattan Infidel I must caution you.  Experimental brain surgery on these creatures is one thing and I’m all in favor of it.  But your behavior studies are another matter.  To suggest that we can learn anything about the Simian nature from the study of man is sheer nonsense.  Why man is a nuisance.  He eats up his food supply in the forest then migrates to our green belts and ravages our crops.  The sooner he is exterminated the better.  It’s a question of simian survival.”

You must work in publishing.

M.K. writes, “A planet where apes evolved from men.  There’s got to be an answer.”

I blame global warming.

Olivia Wilde writes, “What did I tell you last time?  You’re getting a flare gun in your groin next time!”

Imagine me needing someone Olivia.  Back on Earth I never did. Oh, there were women.  Lots of women.  Lots of love-making but no love.  You see, that was the kind of world we’d made.  So I left, because there was no one to hold me there.

And that’s my reader mailbag.  Here’s to a successful third year.

Manhattan Infidel

P.S. Olivia Wilde, if you are reading this you know you were meant to be with me.  But just in case……..do you have a sister?

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