The Democratic Party's Response to the Declaration of Independence

What a bourgeois document!

From the Headquarters of the Democratic Party

Washington D.C.

To all Americans:

It has recently come to our attention that our opponents in the Republican Party are touting the so-called “Declaration of Independence”, a bourgeois document written by white slaveholders who denied a woman’s right to vote and to choose.  Let’s take a closer look at this document that Republicans say represents their core values. This document starts off with noninclusive language:

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands that have connected them with another and to assume among the  powers of the Earth , the separate and equal station……

You see!  You see!  “Separate and equal.”  It’s right there in the first sentence!  Republicans believe in segregation and keeping black people down.  It is only through benevolent Democratic policies that our black citizens will increase their standard of living.

The sentence continues:

…..the laws of nature and nature’s god entitle them, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind.….

There are so many things wrong with that phrase.  Where to begin?  Nature’s god?  That sounds suspiciously Unitarian (a European religion by the way.)  Does nature’s god include Muslims?  Animists?  Wiccans?  I don’t think so.   We continue with “a decent respect for the opinions of mankind.”  Mankind?  That is like using B.C. and A.D. Truly progressive Democrats prefer to use the phrase, “People needing  people and loving people because we are filled with love-kind.”

Tsk tsk Republicans.  Such noninclusive language. And it gets worse.  The second paragraph contains the abominable phrase, “all men are created equal.” All men? What about women?  What about the transgendered? Or did Thomas Jefferson not care about transsexuals?  I call upon Republicans to search Jefferson’s writings for one mention of transsexual gender equality.  There is none! It’s a black mark on his record.

We continue with this pathetic abomination of a document:

…that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I ask you fellow Democrats, does “Creator” have to be in capital letters? That implies a specific subject.  All intelligent people know that the universe was created by cosmic forces without the intervention of a so-called “Creator.”  The phrase will also be offensive to our atheist friends.  And nowhere does that sentence mention real  rights, such as equality and forced redistribution of income.

Further on the document states:

He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

Manly firmness?  You see, Republicans are not only racist.  They are sexist!

Still further we read:

He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of new officers to harass our people and eat out their sustenance.

This phrase is perhaps the most offensive in this document.  Fellow Americans our planet is wounded.  We need to stop global warming.  So when officers from the EPA arrive at your house to check what temperature you have your thermostat set to, remember it’s for your own good.

Fellow Americans, we could go on with more examples from this document but I think these will suffice for now.

Vote Democrat in 2012!



3 Responses

  1. The Jungers says:

    Finally, we have people in the world who understand the true meaning of the Declaration of Independence. I feel so enlightened.

  2. Karen Howes says:

    And this “Creator” is MALE, don’t forget– making this even more sexist.

  3. John Carey says:

    Very clever Manhattan. In the eyes of a progressive. I wonder if they even know who the Declaration was meant for…

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