CNN Hires Mubarak

Zionist pig!Hoping to revive its moribund prime time ratings, CNN has fired Kathleen Parker as cohost of Parker Spitzer and replaced her with recently deposed Egyptian strongman Hosni Mubarak.  Said a CNN executive:

It’s clear that a change had to be made.  We think we’ve made the right choice with Mubarak.   He combines the sex appeal of Larry King, the street cred of Anderson Cooper, the calm rationality of Joy Behar and he’s cheaper than Montel Williams.  Well, we really wanted Phil Donahue but since he’s dead.  What?  What do you mean he’s still alive?

CNN’s gamble appears to have paid off.  Critics who watched a preview made special mention of the playful banter between the two, as evidenced by this exchange:

SpitzerI’m Eliot Spitzer.

Mubarak:  I’m Hosni Mubarak.

Spitzer:  And welcome to the new Spitzer Mubarak show.  We won’t always agree on every issue –

Mubarak I take my socks off during sex you Zionist pig.

Spitzer:  So tune in every weeknight at 8 PM.

Mubarak: Zionist pig!

Spitzer:  And you’re no Montel Williams!

CNN has signed Mubarak to a three-year deal. In addition to his duties on Spitzer Mubarak he will star in a reality show entitled “Mubarak in the City” which will chronicle the former strongman’s adjustment to life in New York.

The first episode highlights include him ordering food:

WaiterWhat would you like today sir?

Mubarak:  A pogrom!

Going on a job interview:

HR representativeSo tell us about yourself.  What was your last job?

Mubarak:  I was a ruthless dictator whose ruled my country with an iron fist.  Those who opposed me were killed.

HR representativeI see.  Do you have any experience with Excel?

And entering the New York singles scene:

Woman:  What do you like to do?

Mubarak:  Wear military uniforms.  Attend parades.

Woman:  Are you gay?

Spitzer Mubarak debuts next week while Mubarak in the City will premiere in April.


6 Responses

  1. Ya know, I think Mubarak would look just faaaaaaaabulous in a pair of gold Jimmy Choo pumps…but that’s just me.

  2. The Jungers says:

    That’s a kinky mental image. Thanks Shamus.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus, TJ: Well I know from reading the latest CIA cable released on wikileaks that Ahmadinejad likes to wear hot pants and roller skate around the presidential palace. Perhaps he and Mubarak can get together?

  4. Greg says:

    Getting the gig on the reality show is probably the only reason he stepped down…

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Greg: I think you are on to something.

  6. Matthew says:

    You know, it wouldn’t get worse ratings than CNN’s lineup now.

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