Charlie Sheen Explains Our National Debt

Our national debt as explained by the hooker analogy

Our national debt as explained by the hooker analogy

With our national debt now exceeding 13 trillion dollars and interest payments alone reaching 413 billion many Americans are having a hard time coming to grips with the reality of unsupportable debt.

Here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel we have struggled with exactly how to present our impending financial armageddon in a way that is informative and entertaining.  And that is why we have asked successful Hollywood actor Charlie Sheen to use his very special talent in this cause.  Take it away Mr. Sheen.

Thank you Manhattan Infidel.  You know, debt is not necessarily a bad thing.  People go into debt all the time to buy houses, finance a new business, run drugs across the Mexican border, etc etc etc.  This is what’s known as supportable debt.  The U.S. used to have supportable debt.  Let’s look at some figures and I will explain the debt using analogies from my own life.

In 1970 our total national debt was 389 billion.  That’s like getting serviced in an alleyway by a prostitute while your kids wait in the back of your car.  No big deal.  We’ve all done it.

By 1980 our national debt had grown to 930 billion.  Wow.  Why that’s like renting an entire floor in a Las Vegas hotel for a night, filling it with trannies and giving them all reach arounds while snorting a few grams of coke.  I can do it without breaking a sweat but I’m approaching the point of no return.

By 1990 our national debt was three trillion.  Let’s put it this way.   Three trillion in debt is like spending the entire weekend in your hotel room with porn stars, shotguns and a suitcase filled with cocaine.  You are just asking for trouble!  I mean, it’s fun and who wouldn’t enjoy doing that but still you are mortgaging your future.

In 2000 our national debt had grown to a whopping six trillion!  That’s like spending not just a weekend but an entire week locked in your hotel room with a busload of porn stars while armored trucks filled with cocaine arrive hourly. Think of the trucks of cocaine as interest payments on the debt and the porn stars as entitlement spending.  Obviously you’d be so busy snorting all the coke you can get your hands on you would have to limit the reach arounds for the porn stars.

Now as of  the end of 2010 our national debt is an astronomical 13 trillion!  This is what’s called unsupportable debt.  I’d have to fill the entire Empire State building with cocaine and start at the observation deck and snort my way down to the street, stopping occasionally to have psychotic episodes or heart attacks.  I may even black out and wake up in a puddle of blood, vomit and feces next to a disemboweled porn star. Hey, this is what happens with unsupportable debt!

So you see my fellow Americans we should fear our debt.  It is time to establish fiscal discipline.  Now if you excuse me I have to give a reach around to the nice security guard who is delivering my suitcase of cocaine.

Thank you Mr. Sheen.  Listen to him America.  He knows what he’s talking about.


7 Responses

  1. Charlie Sheen is amazing.

    He needs to put that incredible mind of his towards solving our runaway entitlement spending and we’d be set.

    Unless he entitlted himself to our stash of blow. Then he’d be a bad guy again.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    He’s your typical second generation Hollywooder – Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland. They grow up surrounded by privilege and entitlement and as adults are douche bags.

  3. The Jungers says:

    I once talked to Charlie Sheen, it was a incredible experience. Up until he tried stealing my blow. That just crossed the line. He’s lucky he’d be missed in the Hollywood world of he’d be buried in my crawl space with all those dead hookers.

  4. Matt says:

    He’s so smart, for a sex crazed coke head.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    TJ: Charlie Sheen and dead hookers. Two great tastes that go great together.

    Matt: Charlie does have a surprisingly large store of wisdom we can benefit from.

  6. John Carey says:

    Good stuff Manhattan.

  7. Karen Howes says:

    At least he can put the debt into terms our Congress critters can understand!

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