Green Bay Wins Superbowl; Angry Brett Favre Texts Photos of Penis to Everyone

Aaron Rodgers holds up championship trophy while not texting photos of his penisMinutes after the Green Bay Packers, led by quarterback Aaron Rodgers won Superbowl XLV, millions of phones across the United States were inundated with pictures of Brett Favre’s penis.

The resulting traffic caused many servers to crash, leaving a large portion of the United States without cellular coverage.’

“I’ve never seen anything like it” said a Verizon executive.  “It was like a rapidly spreading virus we had no defenses for.  Hold on.  I’m getting a text. What the – now that’s just wrong!

The aforementioned executive had just received a text containing a photo of Brett Favre’s penis.  Upon receiving the text he grabbed a shotgun and started firing at anyone who moved.

“Read your bible!  A scroll has opened.  This is one of the signs of the apocalypse.”

Major cities throughout the U.S. reported rioting in the streets, shootings and an increase in cannibalism (in Detroit, more so than normal.)

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Michael Mullen placed all U.S. armed forced on high alert.

“I can’t stress enough how dangerous the situation is” said Mullen.  “I ask all Americans to arm themselves and remain calm.  Hold on – I’m getting a text.  What the – oh now that’s just wrong!”

Meanwhile in a small town in southern Mississippi, Brett Favre, after consuming (and throwing at the wall) his 12th can of Budweiser continued his rampage of texual terrorism.

“F#&#*^g Green Bay wins without me while I’m stuck here with a wife who isn’t hot like that chick who works for the Jets.  Well, America is going to suffer.”

As schools opened on Monday morning the situation remained tense as authorities attempted to confiscate all cell phones.

They were on the verge of success when fourth grader Julie Simpson raised her hand.

Teacher, the old man with the gray beard just sent me a bad photo!”

In Detroit, the last survivor of the zombie apocalypse barricaded himself in his house, determined to resist.

“I think I can beat them.  Hold on, I’m getting a text. What the – oh now that’s just wrong!”

There has been no further word from Detroit for hours.


7 Responses

  1. “Major cities throughout the U.S. reported rioting in the streets, shootings and an increase in cannibalism (in Detroit, more so than normal.)”

    For the win.

  2. The Jungers says:

    In other news Chicago is still the shit hole its always been.

  3. The Other Jungers says:

    And Obama is still weeping because Bears didn’t make it into the Superbowl.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    TJ, OTJ: I doubt his holiness Obama even knows what football is.

    Shamus: Detroit is actually a lovely city with very cheap rents. Very cheap. Actually you’ll be living on a vacant lot and eating grass.

  5. The Jungers says:

    Obama still believes that Football is a European sport played at the World Cup.

  6. Matt says:

    I didn’t know anyone survived the zombie apocalypse in Detroit.

  7. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: Apparently, and unfortunately, Eminem did.

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